Black Swan

This was a really ballsy film to make. Darren Aranofsky basically set out to produce a twisted version of Swan Lake, set it around an actual production of Swan Lake for the stage, and infuse the story with the hyper-emotion, out-sized acting, and visceral energy of an opera. Combine that with his trademark stylized approach, as well as an examination of the artistic process and how it can destroy its practitioners, and you get a film that walks a fine line between over-the top ludicrousness and exhilarating art. While not completely successful at maintaining the balance, its in general fairly mesmerizing and has several moments (the climax in particular) that manage to harness all its disparate elements into an audacious and electrifying concoction (I think we've reached out pretension level for the evening).

I can see how this film could be divisive (and there was a section of the audience at my screening who were actively laughing at key moments), and really have no idea how it will play for general audiences. However if you accept it for what it is, and revel in its excess and audacity I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

The Warrior's Way

I went into this with fairly low expectations. It appeared to be basically Cowboys vs. Ninjas, and I thought it should at least be able to present some modest entertainment on the visceral level present in that premise. I could not have been more wrong. The film is a complete misfire on every level. Its bad. Not laughably bad, or even a fascinating fiasco, just bad. I cannot not recommend even seeing this on a mocking level since its the kind of thing you feel like you could mock, but can't be bothered to because you're bored. Really its a film that wants to look like it was directed by Zach Snyder, but didn't feel like paying for him. It tries really hard to be stylish and 'cool' but all you really end up seeing is the effort with no payoff. Kind of like the nerdy kid in high school (who may or may not have been me) who finally gets invited to a party, tries to act like he thinks the 'cool' kids do, but tries too hard and ends up just making everyone feel sad. The action scenes don't even deliver much in the way of enjoyment as they unfold with the perfunctory nature of a video game - See Ninjas/Cowboys, kill ninjas/cowboys, rinse repeat.

I can't even be bothered to talk about this anymore. Just avoid it.

Tangled

I rarely go see kids films in the theater anymore. Its not just because I'm cold, heartless, and have forgotten what it is to feel joy, but rather I know how creepy it is for an old guy to go watch the latest animated release by himself. What this means is that I miss trailers for films marketed specifically for children so I never see the ads for what I'm sure are amazing projects like this or this or god help me this. Seriously I weep for parents with small children. Its too bad they don't have quality entertainment options like i had growing up. To Wit.

Anyway back to the matter at hand. Tangled is a pretty straight up old school Disney animated film (despite the fact that its computer animation) and hues closely to those conventions. It takes a public domain fairy tale (in this case Rapunzel) throws in a few songs, some anthropomorphic animal sidekicks, a life affirming ending, and really (aside from the animation) wouldn't have been out of place in the fifties. This isn't a bad thing. Its nice to see a kids film not loaded with instantly dated pop-culture gags, and it doesn't overstretch the confines of the story. Its not as clever as the best pixar films, but as traditional animated feature its fine, and generally has a nice sense of humor about itself. It is about ten minutes too long, and the songs aren't particularly memorable, but its entertaining and a nice addition to the Disney canon. If there's any justice in the world it will do three times the business of that soon to be abomination Yogi Bear 3-d. (Note from future self "there is not justice.")

Hot Dog The Movie

When I saw that this was On demand my curiosity got the best of me. Supposedly this is the quintessential 'snobs vs slobs' eighties ski film that has been so mercilessly parodied over the years. That's not quite true, its more of a wannabe sports film, but the odd thing was that I knew exactly what was going to happen just from watching all the satires. The film doesn't help itself by seeming like a farce itself (one of the big ski sequences is a competition where they actually do a dance routine on skis down the mountain, I guess I missed that at the last Olympics) and the level of acting, and writing, is shockingly bad (when Shannon tweed is acting circles around your leads that's not a good sign). Really, not just bad, but laughably inept. I guess the equivalent of these type of films currently would be American Pie and their ilk but even those films display a level of competence that is completely lacking from Hot Dog.

However the one thing that sort keeps you involved is the complete lack of irony. You can tell the filmmakers really thought they were making an inspiring underdog story, and really wanted you to hate the evil Europeans (yes not Russians, Europeans). This lack of cynicism in the face of overwhelming incompetence is actually fairly mesmerizing and almost makes you ignore the casual misogyny, and borderline sociopathic tendencies of the 'scruffy' protagonists. Not enthralling enough for me to want to revisit Hot Dog (or its cousins) any time soon, but still an interesting viewing experience.

Unstoppable

Since I'm tired of writing plot recaps lets steal yahoo's:
A veteran engineer (Denzel Wahshington) and a young conductor (Chris Pine) try frantically to stop a run-away half-mile long freight train carrying enough combustible liquids and poisonous gas to wipe out a nearby city. Inspired by true events.

Inspired by true events huh? That must mean it was inspired by that time your mom went to an all you can eat buffet (zing!). Also since Denzel's in it shouldn't we just call the film Runaway Train-ing day? Good one Eric.

Overall Unstoppable is pretty much what you'd expect from a runaway train movie. The train gets loose in the first fifteen minutes (mainly because a fat guy can't run fast enough to catch it when its barely moving, something else we can blame on obesity) and then they chase it. Since the train can't really be sneaky or twirl its mustache we also get its corporate owners who only care about their bottom line and not how many lives are going to lost, blah blah blah. Look the film hits the expected beats, it thankfully isn't too long (if Michael Bay had made this it would have been two and a half hours) and Denzel and Chris Pine have a nice rapport. Tony Scott almost ruins it with his constant cutting (seriously heaven forbid you stay on a shot long enough so we can see what's happening), but overall its enjoyable if forgettable.

Now there is one thing I have to address that might be considered a spoiler (though if you're surprised by any development in this film you probably think Thomas Kinkade makes great art). We learn early on that Chris Pine's wife is estranged from him, won't let him see their kid, won't answer the phone, etc. Well the minute she sees him on TV saving the day guess who suddenly decides to come running and be all lovey dovey? Its the most blatant example of a shallow wife this side of Will Patton's in Armageddon (the chick who won't even let his kid know that he's his father, but once he gets back from saving the world guess she's more than ready to claim paternity). Look lady if you're so afraid of your husband you take a restraining order out on him (something the film sort of glosses over) the fact that he's suddenly famous shouldn't suddenly make you want to run back into his arms. Who are you a Kardashian? In reality Chris Pine would have given her the straight arm and started hooking up with either Rosario Dawson's character or Denzel's two college age daughters who work at hooters (yeah they actually had them working at hooters. I think the crew just wanted to shoot b-roll there and needed a reason).

Beautiful Girls

I vaguely remember seeing this in college and thinking it was alright, and after watching it again I guess its still okay but probably a bit to full of itself.



Let me just give you the ONDEMAND recap for the plot:


A young man on the verge of marriage returns to his hometown to reconsider, hanging out with his old pals and seeing the ruts they're stuck in.


Its written by Scott Rosenberg who covered similar in his adaptation of High Fidelity, but with much more subtlety and humor in the latter work. The first problem is that Natalie Portman plays the world's most well-spoken, all knowing 13 year old who constantly comments on the action and represents the ideal woman to the main character Timothy Hutton (which actually is kind of creepy). It also doesn't help that one of the film's big points is that men are avoid commiting to normal women because of some pipe dream about landing a super model. However the fact that the supposed average women in the film are played by Mira Sorvino, Lauren Holly, Annabeth Gish, and Rosie O'donnel (okay the last one works) sort of mutes the point. But whatever this is hollywood, I've worked in Beverly Hills and the average isn't far from what the film portrays. The biggest problem is that every character (including Michael Rappaport) feels the need to speechify all the time, with no real sense of humor either. Its not completely uninteresting, but it feels overbearing after awhile. Part of my problem is probably that I never felt the late 20's malaise often portrayed in these type of films, which would of course require me to you know care about stuff which we all know is ridiculous (except for hummus, I do love me some hummus).


Also what is with these towns that apparently only allow one guy per high school class to move away? It seems like all these films feature a protagonist who returns home to see all his high school friends (who haven't left even though the town sucks, in my experience if the town is that bad you move but whatever) while he's in the midst of some existential crisis. I go home several times a year and most of my high school friends have moved on and I rarely learn a life changing lesson that shakes me out of my rut (except for that one time I learned how to be a drug charge, that was definitely life changing).

This is a corollary to the film towns that have one person who moves a way to big city, becomes absolutely insufferable, but after a dose of some good old fashioned rednecks they decide that they no longer want to live someplace that has museums, mass transit, and more than two restaurants. But I digress, Beautiful Girls has its moments it just tries way too hard to be profound.

Red/The Town

Red is a moderately entertaining film that falls into that zone where it doesn't suck, but I'm not sure its good enough to merit more than a tepid endorsement. The film follows retired CIA agent Bruce Willis, who is engaging in a flirtatious relationship with a government pension agent played by Mary Louise Parker. His idyll is interupted by a hit squad and he decides he needs to Kidnap parker since she may also be a target. He proceeds to get his old squad back together (Morgan freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malchovich, Brian Cox) as they try to figure out who's after him. Anyway when the film just coasts on the charm of its leads and lets them riff its actually pretty enjoyable, when it tries to be a hardcore action film everything falters. The film desperately wants to be both a humorous character piece, and a Zach Snyder-esque stylized action thriller. While it does passably well at the former, it fails at the second, and any time there's a big set piece the momentum grinds to a halt. Like I said its not horrible, and it is fun seeing a cast with as much history as this do an action comedy. Also I really liked that Mary Louise Parker didn't complain for the whole time about being kidnapped and taken on a mission. In fact she embraces it to an almost sociopathic degree in contrast to most Adrian Balboa-types we get who just whine whenever something cool happens.

One more thing, the only other people in theatre besides us were four middle aged single guys who sat in opposite ends of the theatre forming a square around us. It was kind of depressing actually. Maybe they're big Helen Mirren fans?

The Town

I'm writing this about a week after originally seeing the film and not much has really stuck with me. Oh its reasonably entertaining (even if the Boston accents are comically thick) and Ben Afleck does a decent job staging the action sequences, but everything about the plot is completely nonsensical and it becomes impossible to suspend disbelief. Really my brother and I were the only people in the theatre and we spent most of the climax wondering how stupid all the characters could be and didn't really care what happened to them. Also if you're going to cast Don Draper make sure you change his haircut, its way to distracting otherwise.

Whatever, its watchable but over all pretty disposable.