There's a Blockbuster a block away from my apartment and about once a month they do a four for $20 DVD sale. I am unable to pass this up even though the inevitable time crunch happens and I have stacks of unwatched DVD's sitting around (a good portion of which are some random titles that I picked up to fill up my four). This is one step in a continual effort to get through the monstrosity.
This film got a lot of crap when it first came out but after having watched all two hours and fifteen minutes I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I actually liked it (don't call me a hero, even though you want to). Really its is the closest thing to a live action cartoon that I've ever seen. Now I don't mean a really good and deep cartoon like a Pixar production, but more like one of the old Looney Toones numbers we used to watch on saturday mornings. Much like Bugs and the Gang, the Speed Racer's plot is simplistic, its characters are two dimensional, and somebody can get hit by an anvil and be no worse for wear. In some ways its like the third Matrix film that the Wachowski's did right before it except, you know, entertaining. The plot, such that it is, follows the titular Speed Racer as he attempts to succeed in the World Racing League in the face of corporate powers who apparently run the world, but none of that really matters. What matters is the races (I mean it is called Speed Racer) and the film really delivers. Its like watching a the hybrid child of NASCAR and Mario-Kart with a little, make that a whole lot, of LSD thrown in. That is an excellent segue into the film's look, and while I hate going back to the cartoon comparison, its apt. Every frame is exploding in color, and I can only imagine the sensory overload that would have occurred had I seen this in IMAX. If you watch this thing high I can only imagine you will come out of it clutching your knees to your chest and rocking back and forth, if you're into that sort of thing.
Really once I accepted that I was watching a souped up episode of Tiny Toones the only part of the film that really annoyed me was the youngest child and his monkey sidekick. Maybe its just because I saw what competent youth actors looked like in the fourth season of the wire, but I really have no patience for really annoying kids onscreen anymore. Every time he and the simian were on screen I wanted some tremendously bad to happen to them (like having to watch the View, hey-O!). And considering that this film isn't really written like a Mamet production that's tells you how annoying he is.
Still that's a minor quibble and to compensate the film features Shaft (Richard Roundtree) and Jack from Lost (Matthew Fox) in key roles. Really as long as you go into this with the proper frame of mind (which may or may not involve controlled substances) its an enjoyable couple of hours.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Coraline
Is it sad that I was the only person in a tiny theater on a friday afternoon watching an animated film ostensibly targeted at children? Possibly. Would I rather interpret this as a further indication of my supreme self - confidence and not a sign of my complete lack of social skills? Yes, yes I would. Am I going to continue asking rhetorical questions? Highly Likely. Have I made a similar joke several times before? Shut Up.
Anyway, for a film aimed at kids Coraline really has some dark and subversive undertones. The film follows the titular heroine as she moves into a new house and deals with increasingly inattentive parents. She's follows a secret door to an alternate reality that appears to be everything she ever wanted but everyone has buttons for eyes (no big deal right, I could totally deal with it). Anyway things are of course not as nice as they seem, and some really screwed up stuff happens that I can't imagine small children come away from unscathed., and of course means that I enjoyed the film immensely. Its based on a book by Neil Gaiman (whose work I always enjoy) and the filmmakers do a good job keeping his darkly twisted, yet comic, style prevalent throughout the film. The film's stopmotion animation also looks great, and very similiar to the nightmare before christmas (since both films shares a director with its not surprising). My only problem is that the ending feels rushed, and I wish they would have taken an extra 10 minutes to really draw out the tension.
The film that I was most reminded of while watching this was actually Pan's Labyrinth. In both films the female protagaonist tries to escape her dreary and opressive existence by engaging into a dream world whose lines with 'reality' are increasingly blurred (okay in the latter film she's tying to cope with living in Franco's Spain, and this one she's really just trying to find someone to give her attention but run with me on this). Thankfully Coraline doesn't end on the devastating note that Pan does or you'd see a bunch of eight year olds chain smoking outside of multiplexes as they try to come to grips with the emotional devastation they just witnessed.
Anyway check it out.
Anyway, for a film aimed at kids Coraline really has some dark and subversive undertones. The film follows the titular heroine as she moves into a new house and deals with increasingly inattentive parents. She's follows a secret door to an alternate reality that appears to be everything she ever wanted but everyone has buttons for eyes (no big deal right, I could totally deal with it). Anyway things are of course not as nice as they seem, and some really screwed up stuff happens that I can't imagine small children come away from unscathed., and of course means that I enjoyed the film immensely. Its based on a book by Neil Gaiman (whose work I always enjoy) and the filmmakers do a good job keeping his darkly twisted, yet comic, style prevalent throughout the film. The film's stopmotion animation also looks great, and very similiar to the nightmare before christmas (since both films shares a director with its not surprising). My only problem is that the ending feels rushed, and I wish they would have taken an extra 10 minutes to really draw out the tension.
The film that I was most reminded of while watching this was actually Pan's Labyrinth. In both films the female protagaonist tries to escape her dreary and opressive existence by engaging into a dream world whose lines with 'reality' are increasingly blurred (okay in the latter film she's tying to cope with living in Franco's Spain, and this one she's really just trying to find someone to give her attention but run with me on this). Thankfully Coraline doesn't end on the devastating note that Pan does or you'd see a bunch of eight year olds chain smoking outside of multiplexes as they try to come to grips with the emotional devastation they just witnessed.
Anyway check it out.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Watchmen
First the short review: Overall generally entertaining, not bad, not great, but okay. Falls below Dark Knight and well above Fantastic Four in the pantheon on super hero movies. You can all go back to watching Rock of Love now.
Five Points
1) Yes I did read the book and while I found the story to be interesting, I wasn't that impressed. Part of this probably has to do with the fact that I haven't been able to get completely on board with the graphic novel (pretentious for comic book) format, but my lack of hysteria surrounding the book meant that I went into the film with a fairly open mind and wasn't going to get apoplectic if the film didn't closely hue to the narrative. That said I think this was about as good of an adaptation that could have been done of the source material. While the film necessarily cuts significant portions of the book (including an entire subplot that they released as a separate animated DVD release) it captures the general feel of the book and does a good job distilling the main plot of an alternate 1985 where masked vigilantes have been outlawed, and the US and Russia sit on the brink of Nuclear war (hows that for a plot summary, fans of the book are getting ready to take out my knees as we speak). That said I can't say if the film is easier to follow if you've read the book (I would imagine it would be), my friend who went with me seemed to follow it okay so I don't think its a necessity.
2) The story really could have used a sense of humor. This is a problem with the book too, and I'm not saying that everything should be turned into late night at the apollo, but every character is taking every thing so seriously. The only two attempts that the film makes at humor (which involve the character Rorschach) generated the most positive audience response of the film. Just a hint of dark comedy (something the Dark Knight got out of the Joker character) adds a tremendous amount to a film like this.
3) Its always tough when a film uses recognizable songs as its cues. When it works (like in Goodfellas) it can add a nice sense of scope and hopefully enhance the viewing experience by incorporating the viewers feelings about the song. When it doesn't work though, its ends up being distracting. This film's use of music falls in the latter category. Most of the cues are a little too on the nose (Sounds of Silence for a funeral, really?) and I ended up getting pulled completely out of the scene involved whenever a song come on.
On a related note the sex scene is just as hilariously awful as you've heard, and as a result Jeff Buckley's 'Hallelujah' is forever ruined for me. Okay probably not, but still just bad choices all around.
4) Since this is getting a little negative here's what I liked: The acting was overall pretty good, and the film does a great job capturing the look of the book. Plus I think I only checked my watch once during the film's 2 hour 45 minute run time which is a good sign.
5) Be forewarned you'll get gypped if you pay to watch the IMAX experience. Yes the screen is bigger, and I'm sure the sounds system is superior, but the no part of the film is actually shot with an IMAX camera. I watched very closely and at no point did the aspect ratio change from the traditional format (you can tell by the film being letterboxed on the screen), so I demand that AMC Emeryville give me my five dollars back (Can you feel the outrage)
Anyway its worth checking out, but don't expect to be blown away. How's that for a pull quote?
Oh and really - is this necessary?:
Five Points
1) Yes I did read the book and while I found the story to be interesting, I wasn't that impressed. Part of this probably has to do with the fact that I haven't been able to get completely on board with the graphic novel (pretentious for comic book) format, but my lack of hysteria surrounding the book meant that I went into the film with a fairly open mind and wasn't going to get apoplectic if the film didn't closely hue to the narrative. That said I think this was about as good of an adaptation that could have been done of the source material. While the film necessarily cuts significant portions of the book (including an entire subplot that they released as a separate animated DVD release) it captures the general feel of the book and does a good job distilling the main plot of an alternate 1985 where masked vigilantes have been outlawed, and the US and Russia sit on the brink of Nuclear war (hows that for a plot summary, fans of the book are getting ready to take out my knees as we speak). That said I can't say if the film is easier to follow if you've read the book (I would imagine it would be), my friend who went with me seemed to follow it okay so I don't think its a necessity.
2) The story really could have used a sense of humor. This is a problem with the book too, and I'm not saying that everything should be turned into late night at the apollo, but every character is taking every thing so seriously. The only two attempts that the film makes at humor (which involve the character Rorschach) generated the most positive audience response of the film. Just a hint of dark comedy (something the Dark Knight got out of the Joker character) adds a tremendous amount to a film like this.
3) Its always tough when a film uses recognizable songs as its cues. When it works (like in Goodfellas) it can add a nice sense of scope and hopefully enhance the viewing experience by incorporating the viewers feelings about the song. When it doesn't work though, its ends up being distracting. This film's use of music falls in the latter category. Most of the cues are a little too on the nose (Sounds of Silence for a funeral, really?) and I ended up getting pulled completely out of the scene involved whenever a song come on.
On a related note the sex scene is just as hilariously awful as you've heard, and as a result Jeff Buckley's 'Hallelujah' is forever ruined for me. Okay probably not, but still just bad choices all around.
4) Since this is getting a little negative here's what I liked: The acting was overall pretty good, and the film does a great job capturing the look of the book. Plus I think I only checked my watch once during the film's 2 hour 45 minute run time which is a good sign.
5) Be forewarned you'll get gypped if you pay to watch the IMAX experience. Yes the screen is bigger, and I'm sure the sounds system is superior, but the no part of the film is actually shot with an IMAX camera. I watched very closely and at no point did the aspect ratio change from the traditional format (you can tell by the film being letterboxed on the screen), so I demand that AMC Emeryville give me my five dollars back (Can you feel the outrage)
Anyway its worth checking out, but don't expect to be blown away. How's that for a pull quote?
Oh and really - is this necessary?:
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
One Tree Hill
Oh One Tree Hill how I've missed you. Damn the CW for keeping you from me
-The Episode starts with a bang as Brooke is kicking Julian out of her bed for doing some unspeakable act. What could cause such a worldly woman such as Brooke to kick someone out of her bed? Maybe he suggested a Cleveland Steamer or a Gorilla Mask? But wait...he just said 'I Love You' and she just isn't ready to hear that. Oh you writers how dare you play with our emotions like that.
-In the great crossover department they have the most annoying five year old in the world, Jaime, say how he wants to watch Gossip Girl instead of Thomas the Tank Engine. Well Played CW.
-For approximately the five hundredth time in the last three episodes Peyton falls over clutching her stomach before a commercial break, is it the cancer they keep insinuating that she's genetically predisposed to? (please be yes please be yes). Well the show take about twenty minutes making it sound like she just had a miscarriage, but really it turns out that having the baby could kill her (somebody's in for a well adjusted childhood). Peyton of course says she's having the baby, but Lucas basically says 'hey go have an abortion, the doctor says we could lose the baby anyway, and (choking tears away) I don't want to have this child grow up without a mother.' Sounds like somebody doesn't want diaper duty! I would feel bad about making fun of the situation except I anticipate that it will be tearfully resolved by the third break.
-Peyton, actually somewhat sanely, points out that they've already survived car wrecks, gun shots, and being attacked by Psychos, why should this bother them? She then of course goes on to joke about how much 'sexy single dad tail he's going to get.' (Rim shot) Plus she says the whole point of them getting together in the first place is just to have this child. Again, somebody is going to have a screwed up childhood. And then the baby starts kicking, and Peyton says its okay to love the baby even if it kills her, because you know otherwise you could just resent him and throw whisky bottles at him.
-Should I be disturbed that the network has created a One Tree Hill Sims (TM) neighborhood to promote the show.
-Man Mouth and Milly are annoying. Just as she's about to leave forever he tries to talk her into staying by listing all the little things he's going to miss about her (including the glasses she got rid of by having Lasik), I have no idea where I've heard that before. Somehow she's able to walk away from such smoothness. Maybe gone forever? Unlikely.
-Hey I just learned that CariDee from America's Next Top Model apeared on One tree Hill, thank you CW bonus box.
-Haley is suspended for standing up for free speech and publishing a student's semi objectionable essay in the school paper, and rather than I don't knowing filing a lawsuit she decides to consider moving to charleston to be with Nathan's NBDL team. Obviously she doesn't think his career is going to advance very far. Nathan sensing he doesn't want to have the wife and kid everywhere immediately suggests that she go back on the road and sing, and oh yeah she can bring the kid along with her. Sounds like somebody misses the single life.
-Brooke: You Don't choose who you love
Julian: True, but you can choose who you open your heart to love
Brooke: What do you want me to say?
Julian: I love you too Julian
Brooke: I really like you too Julian
Oh Snap!!!
For some reason this smackdown doesn't stop loverboy from turning on the charm about how he loves her more than anything, but she still can't say she loves him. He starts crying. Wimp.
-So ten minutes left and the major relationships in the show are all at a crossroads, what will happen? I can barely contain the excitement.
-Hey Dan's heart transplant beeper is going off just when Deb says how he needs to die for their to be justice in the world. Oh Irony thy name is One Tree Hill.
- In tonights slow motion montage set to whatever band is hip with the kids this moment features: Peyton claiming she knows she won't die even though the doctors say she will, Julian walking out on brooke, and Mouth finding Millie's old glasses and looking on wistfully.
Rating out of ten: 12.5
-The Episode starts with a bang as Brooke is kicking Julian out of her bed for doing some unspeakable act. What could cause such a worldly woman such as Brooke to kick someone out of her bed? Maybe he suggested a Cleveland Steamer or a Gorilla Mask? But wait...he just said 'I Love You' and she just isn't ready to hear that. Oh you writers how dare you play with our emotions like that.
-In the great crossover department they have the most annoying five year old in the world, Jaime, say how he wants to watch Gossip Girl instead of Thomas the Tank Engine. Well Played CW.
-For approximately the five hundredth time in the last three episodes Peyton falls over clutching her stomach before a commercial break, is it the cancer they keep insinuating that she's genetically predisposed to? (please be yes please be yes). Well the show take about twenty minutes making it sound like she just had a miscarriage, but really it turns out that having the baby could kill her (somebody's in for a well adjusted childhood). Peyton of course says she's having the baby, but Lucas basically says 'hey go have an abortion, the doctor says we could lose the baby anyway, and (choking tears away) I don't want to have this child grow up without a mother.' Sounds like somebody doesn't want diaper duty! I would feel bad about making fun of the situation except I anticipate that it will be tearfully resolved by the third break.
-Peyton, actually somewhat sanely, points out that they've already survived car wrecks, gun shots, and being attacked by Psychos, why should this bother them? She then of course goes on to joke about how much 'sexy single dad tail he's going to get.' (Rim shot) Plus she says the whole point of them getting together in the first place is just to have this child. Again, somebody is going to have a screwed up childhood. And then the baby starts kicking, and Peyton says its okay to love the baby even if it kills her, because you know otherwise you could just resent him and throw whisky bottles at him.
-Should I be disturbed that the network has created a One Tree Hill Sims (TM) neighborhood to promote the show.
-Man Mouth and Milly are annoying. Just as she's about to leave forever he tries to talk her into staying by listing all the little things he's going to miss about her (including the glasses she got rid of by having Lasik), I have no idea where I've heard that before. Somehow she's able to walk away from such smoothness. Maybe gone forever? Unlikely.
-Hey I just learned that CariDee from America's Next Top Model apeared on One tree Hill, thank you CW bonus box.
-Haley is suspended for standing up for free speech and publishing a student's semi objectionable essay in the school paper, and rather than I don't knowing filing a lawsuit she decides to consider moving to charleston to be with Nathan's NBDL team. Obviously she doesn't think his career is going to advance very far. Nathan sensing he doesn't want to have the wife and kid everywhere immediately suggests that she go back on the road and sing, and oh yeah she can bring the kid along with her. Sounds like somebody misses the single life.
-Brooke: You Don't choose who you love
Julian: True, but you can choose who you open your heart to love
Brooke: What do you want me to say?
Julian: I love you too Julian
Brooke: I really like you too Julian
Oh Snap!!!
For some reason this smackdown doesn't stop loverboy from turning on the charm about how he loves her more than anything, but she still can't say she loves him. He starts crying. Wimp.
-So ten minutes left and the major relationships in the show are all at a crossroads, what will happen? I can barely contain the excitement.
-Hey Dan's heart transplant beeper is going off just when Deb says how he needs to die for their to be justice in the world. Oh Irony thy name is One Tree Hill.
- In tonights slow motion montage set to whatever band is hip with the kids this moment features: Peyton claiming she knows she won't die even though the doctors say she will, Julian walking out on brooke, and Mouth finding Millie's old glasses and looking on wistfully.
Rating out of ten: 12.5
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Snow Angels
There's a Blockbuster a block away from my apartment and about once a month they do a four for $20 DVD sale. I am unable to pass this up even though the inevitable time crunch happens and I have stacks of unwatched DVD's sitting around (a good portion of which are some random titles that I picked up to fill up my four). This is one step in a continual effort to get through the monstrosity.
This is an interesting film that, while engaging, ends up feeling sterile. The story follows two couples (one adult, on high school) in an unnamed town as they struggle to deal with changes in their lives and hold on to as much of their sanity as possible. For the first hour or so the film feels like any number of other independent films about 'ordinary' peoples' struggle with everyday life but at the half way point a tragedy befalls the characters that causes (at least two of them) to lose their grip on their lives. Its this part of the film that doesn't quite work for me. From the tragedy to what is meant to be a devastating ending I never became more than intellectually interested in the two main characters (played by Sam Rockwell and Kate Beckinsdale) which meant that when the climatic moment occurs I don't feel a sense of tragedy but more like an interested, yet uninvolved, third party. This is not to say that I wasn't engaged by the story's machinations, but rather the whole thing struck me more as a intellectual exercise in which I didn't feel any real emotional involvement. Since the ultimate success of these type of films is driven by how invested you are in the characters, Snow Angels inability to completely draw me in meant that it was ultimately unsuccessful in imparting the power of its story.
I don't want to make it sound like there is nothing to recommend the film, there's plenty. Its beautifully shot, and the way many of the scenes are composed reminded me of paintings and showed more artistry than a typical film. Also the film manages to catch the absurdty of high school marching bands in just a few scenes. Now while it may shock readers of this blog to know that such a charismatic, well rounded, and snappy dressing individual such as myself has any experience with marching bands, I must admit that I am intimitely aware of all their machinations (I even played in the Rose Parade one year). The film manages to capture the annoyance of the director, and ambivalence of the members, yet still give some sense of why the kids might actually participate even though on the surface they appear to mock it. Not an easy task. Additionally the film is generally well acted and put together and I was never bored which is more than I can say for other films of this ilk (I'm looking at you Rachel Getting Married).
So anyway if you're not as emotionally stunted as myself you may actually find the film to be a devastating portrait of lives being torn apart by tragedy, or at the least you'll see a beautiful looking piece of work with some nice scenes that unfortunately do not add up to the substantive whole to which it aspires.
This is an interesting film that, while engaging, ends up feeling sterile. The story follows two couples (one adult, on high school) in an unnamed town as they struggle to deal with changes in their lives and hold on to as much of their sanity as possible. For the first hour or so the film feels like any number of other independent films about 'ordinary' peoples' struggle with everyday life but at the half way point a tragedy befalls the characters that causes (at least two of them) to lose their grip on their lives. Its this part of the film that doesn't quite work for me. From the tragedy to what is meant to be a devastating ending I never became more than intellectually interested in the two main characters (played by Sam Rockwell and Kate Beckinsdale) which meant that when the climatic moment occurs I don't feel a sense of tragedy but more like an interested, yet uninvolved, third party. This is not to say that I wasn't engaged by the story's machinations, but rather the whole thing struck me more as a intellectual exercise in which I didn't feel any real emotional involvement. Since the ultimate success of these type of films is driven by how invested you are in the characters, Snow Angels inability to completely draw me in meant that it was ultimately unsuccessful in imparting the power of its story.
I don't want to make it sound like there is nothing to recommend the film, there's plenty. Its beautifully shot, and the way many of the scenes are composed reminded me of paintings and showed more artistry than a typical film. Also the film manages to catch the absurdty of high school marching bands in just a few scenes. Now while it may shock readers of this blog to know that such a charismatic, well rounded, and snappy dressing individual such as myself has any experience with marching bands, I must admit that I am intimitely aware of all their machinations (I even played in the Rose Parade one year). The film manages to capture the annoyance of the director, and ambivalence of the members, yet still give some sense of why the kids might actually participate even though on the surface they appear to mock it. Not an easy task. Additionally the film is generally well acted and put together and I was never bored which is more than I can say for other films of this ilk (I'm looking at you Rachel Getting Married).
So anyway if you're not as emotionally stunted as myself you may actually find the film to be a devastating portrait of lives being torn apart by tragedy, or at the least you'll see a beautiful looking piece of work with some nice scenes that unfortunately do not add up to the substantive whole to which it aspires.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
This is Getting ridiculous
So I've mentioned before how I have a stack of DVD's that I'm showing a complete inability to work through. Damn you cheap DVD sales that I feel the compulsive need to engage in. Seriously whenever I see the 4 for $20 sign at Blockbuster, or a season of a show I want to see for under $20 on Amazon, I instictively react and before I know it I have another 20 hours of content to get through. The only positive thing about the following list is that its entire contents probably cost me under $200.
Films:
Snow Angels
Doomsday
Speed Racer
Funny Games
Charlie Bartlett
Iron Man
Before the Devil Knows You're dead
Savages
American Gangster
In the Valley of Elah
Apocalypto
The Last King of Scotland
Five Easy Pieces
The World's Fastest Indian
Secret Lives of Dentists
Fighting Tommy Riley
Television:
Wonderfalls
Band of Brothers
The Office Season 4
Carnivale Season 1
Studio Sixty on the Sunset Strip
Not to mention the last disc of Mad Men season one I still have to finish. I almost feel like breaking a limb so I have the time to actually make a dent in the stack. Or Not. At least it makes me look like a serious movie aficionado.
Films:
Snow Angels
Doomsday
Speed Racer
Funny Games
Charlie Bartlett
Iron Man
Before the Devil Knows You're dead
Savages
American Gangster
In the Valley of Elah
Apocalypto
The Last King of Scotland
Five Easy Pieces
The World's Fastest Indian
Secret Lives of Dentists
Fighting Tommy Riley
Television:
Wonderfalls
Band of Brothers
The Office Season 4
Carnivale Season 1
Studio Sixty on the Sunset Strip
Not to mention the last disc of Mad Men season one I still have to finish. I almost feel like breaking a limb so I have the time to actually make a dent in the stack. Or Not. At least it makes me look like a serious movie aficionado.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Burn After Reading
Its been about twenty four hours and I'm still befuddled by this film. This confusion doesn't stem from lack of understanding, but rather I just can't figure why the films exists. Its truly the embodiment of a pointless artistic expression. I don't mean pointless in the Seinfield 'show about nothing' sense but truly not giving any reason for existence other than to indulge the egos of those involved in making it. But I digress. My opinions about No Country for Old Men non withstanding, I can generally be considered a Coen brothers fan. I think they have a unique voice, and typically make interesting pictures. If you had told me they were making a spy comedy with the following elements I would think I would be getting a high energy screw ball comedy along the lines of The Big Lebowski, Intolerable Cruelty, or Rasing Arizona:
-George Clooney playing a philandering US marshall who constanly goes for a run after his affaris
-John Malkovich attacking Richard Jenkins with a hatchet
-Brad Pitt playing a clueless gym employee named Chad with horrible hair, who's a little too into his job
What we actually get is a series of moderately conncected scenes that really just leave you scratching your head as to why they exist. I won't even bothering getting into the plot, one because it doesn't matter, and two the film doesn't really seem to care. They even have several scenes with JK Simons as a CIA cheif who constantly asks 'Let me Know when it all makes sense.' Its as if the Coen's are saying 'Oooh, look at us, we're so meta, we acknowledge that's the plot really doesn't make any sense and as a result you should accept it.' I'm sorry but no. If you're going to make a film with an irrelevant plot than at the very least give me interesting characters and solid execution. This film has neither. The characters are all caricatures of what I'm sure looked like quirky characters on the page, but in practice are just tiresome. I'm sure this was a really fun film to make, and its possible that it only came together so all these famous people could hang out and get high. Really had this not involved the talent it does, it may have gotten a two week run and been dismissed with a collective yawn and wanking motion by the film going public. Instead you're just dissapointed that everyone involved shot so low, and then completely forget that it ever happened.
-George Clooney playing a philandering US marshall who constanly goes for a run after his affaris
-John Malkovich attacking Richard Jenkins with a hatchet
-Brad Pitt playing a clueless gym employee named Chad with horrible hair, who's a little too into his job
What we actually get is a series of moderately conncected scenes that really just leave you scratching your head as to why they exist. I won't even bothering getting into the plot, one because it doesn't matter, and two the film doesn't really seem to care. They even have several scenes with JK Simons as a CIA cheif who constantly asks 'Let me Know when it all makes sense.' Its as if the Coen's are saying 'Oooh, look at us, we're so meta, we acknowledge that's the plot really doesn't make any sense and as a result you should accept it.' I'm sorry but no. If you're going to make a film with an irrelevant plot than at the very least give me interesting characters and solid execution. This film has neither. The characters are all caricatures of what I'm sure looked like quirky characters on the page, but in practice are just tiresome. I'm sure this was a really fun film to make, and its possible that it only came together so all these famous people could hang out and get high. Really had this not involved the talent it does, it may have gotten a two week run and been dismissed with a collective yawn and wanking motion by the film going public. Instead you're just dissapointed that everyone involved shot so low, and then completely forget that it ever happened.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Street Fighter:The Legend of Chun Li
Let me be clear this is a truly truly awful film.
But my seeing it was inevitable for a couple of reasons:
1) This is one of the few pop culture phenomena for which I have a real feeling of nostalgia. One of the big moments of my elementary school life was when the Circle K down the street got a Street Fighter II arcade console. I can still remember my buddy John coming over and giving me the news, both of us jumped on our bikes to get down there and line up our quarters to get three minutes of fireballs, electric shocks, dragon punches, and slide kicks (oh yeah we were happening 10 year olds). This was at the time when the only other local video game option was the one kid on the street who had an eight bit original nintendo console, and I'm sorry but as much as I enjoyed it, Duck Hunt didn't hold a candle to the Deuce. This game was even such a big deal that when the one annoying kid in our class who nobody really liked got a super nintendo with the game he suddenly became very popular.
Now I don't claim that have been a competent player (I definitely was more of a mash random buttons kind of guy) but I had a few characters where I knew enough moves to be effective (Bison slide kick - holla). Plus one of the big deals on the old playground was getting hand written instructions on how to perform all the secret moves in the game (Guile's Lock down anyone?) from the two guys who had probably spent all their allowance playing (remember this was before the internet you had to get all video game cheats first hand from people who had to pay to play the game, come to think of it this was actually pretty depressing. So to recap things the internet has given society: Porn, Gambling, Fantasy Sports, and the ability for kids to cheat at video games). The only other video game I have these kind of memories about is probably Contra and that's really just because the cheat code to get thirty lives has been indelibly etched into my brain (up up down down left left right right select start). So yeah, I liked the game.
2) The film got a zero percent on rottentomatoes.com. You have no idea how excited this made me. Its incredibly hard to do this. Even cinematic abortions like Pearl Harbor get something (24% positive in that case). The previously reviewed Underworld got a 30%. You have to really try to have not one critic give even a marginally positive review. So anyway anything that is allegedly this bad has to be seen. UPDATE: Since I originally wrote this the meter has moved up to 6%, not as cool but still it had to be seen.
Anyway back to the film. When I went in I was secretly hoping to be the only person in attendance (it just seemed like it would fitting), there was one other guy- (the total would get up to three by the time the film started) we didn't make eye contact.
Once the film began I knew right away I was in for a party. The main character Chun Li (played by Smallville's Kristin Kruek - yeah I watched smallville at one point. Deal with it haters, this was back when I didn't have cable and only got three channels. I have nothing to apologize for) explains in voice over how she grew from a small Asian actress into a vaguely exotic looking white girl. Now the content of her dialougue is pretty irrelevant (and I truly mean that) but the delivery is really what got me. I already knew Kristen was not what one would call a good actress, she has apparently one level 'stoned,' no matter what is happening. Father getting kidnapped by gangsters? Obi Wan Kanobi like teacher getting beat to hell? Trying to seduce a female henchwoman named Katana? All stoned. Really think of someone who's high trying really hard to read cue cards and not wanting to miss any words and you have a pretty good idea of Ms. Kruek's line readings. Ev-er-y word has to be com-ple-te-ly en-un-ci-a-ted at the ex-act same pace and em-o-tion-al le-vel.
Sample exchange:
Gen (aforementioned Ob Wan character): Why are you angry? (at this point he is basically dislocating chun li's shoulder)
Chun Li: You're hurting me
Gen (spinning her away): No you're hurting yourself
But think about this being delivered by two people wacked out on vicadin and you'll get an idea of the intensity level.
This medicated haze extended to rest of the cast. When you're watching a film shot in English and wondering if it was dubbed because of how flat the line readings are, I son't think that's a good sign. Or maybe its just a sign that this was the greatest film set of all time with the whole cast getting loaded every night and the only way they could maintain was to concentrate really hard not to forget their lines. I don't mean this as a criticism.
The one exception to this zombie like atmosphere was Chris Klein who plays Interpol agent "Charlie Nash...you can call me Nash." Klein walks around with a perpetual five o clock shadow, hawaiian necklace, v neck t-shirt, sports coat, and a long greasy haircut that wouldn't have been out of place on Miami Vice. He screams every line reading at a level turned up to eleven, and walks around like Val Kilmer in that scene in Top Gun where he chews out Maverick in the bathroom and then walks away in a sort of psuedo-waddle with his butt and chest stuck out and lips pursed. Also does the fact that he calls himself Nash lead Klein to constantly scream 'Nash out!' whenever he's on a walky talky? Yes, yes it does. Does this fact make me incredibly happy? Unequivocally.
The fact that I think Klein was playing this part seriously only makes my takes my enjoyment to a new level.
I just realized I've written approximately 30 million words without even talking about the plot. So Chun Li's father gets kidnapped from in front of her when she's a child. Later she gets an ancient scroll that sends her to Bangkok where she meets Obi Wan Konobi who trains her to fight the man who kidnapped her father. This leads to her tryingt to get her father back and stop the main bad guy from his ultimate plan of, and I'm not making this up, gentrifying the city. Seriously Bison is a crime boss and has people killed but his big plan is to buy up slum property, evict the tenants, and build condos. I can appreciate that. So does she end up stopping him? Does it really matter? (answer of course,how dare you for thinking otherwise). The plot is suitably dumb for a film such as this, and there's really not much else to say. They throw in a scene where Chun Li does her signature move from the game (the spinning helicopter kick) and even gave me some fireballs (though without a haduken) which I enjoyed. Plus taking a cue from the epic martial arts film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II the makers had some rapper du jour create a Street Fighter rap for the film. You can't go wrong with a themed rap song I've always said (it would have really helped The Reader for instance).
I really got nothing else, the film is ludicrous, the cast apparently heavily medicated, and action scenes really not that well done. However I did laugh out loud several times more than I have at many big budget comedies (Old School I'm looking at you) so that's something. So to answer the question of whether or not it was a waste of my time the answer is no.
Oh and the film's ending sets up not just a sequel but a whole potential franchise. For something so obviously bad (the studio didn't even screen it for critics) that's ballsy.
Update: Just a taste of the goodness
Postscript
This trailer played before the film and if its any indication of what the film is actually going to be about, it has the potential to be one of the most screwed up kids films ever:
But my seeing it was inevitable for a couple of reasons:
1) This is one of the few pop culture phenomena for which I have a real feeling of nostalgia. One of the big moments of my elementary school life was when the Circle K down the street got a Street Fighter II arcade console. I can still remember my buddy John coming over and giving me the news, both of us jumped on our bikes to get down there and line up our quarters to get three minutes of fireballs, electric shocks, dragon punches, and slide kicks (oh yeah we were happening 10 year olds). This was at the time when the only other local video game option was the one kid on the street who had an eight bit original nintendo console, and I'm sorry but as much as I enjoyed it, Duck Hunt didn't hold a candle to the Deuce. This game was even such a big deal that when the one annoying kid in our class who nobody really liked got a super nintendo with the game he suddenly became very popular.
Now I don't claim that have been a competent player (I definitely was more of a mash random buttons kind of guy) but I had a few characters where I knew enough moves to be effective (Bison slide kick - holla). Plus one of the big deals on the old playground was getting hand written instructions on how to perform all the secret moves in the game (Guile's Lock down anyone?) from the two guys who had probably spent all their allowance playing (remember this was before the internet you had to get all video game cheats first hand from people who had to pay to play the game, come to think of it this was actually pretty depressing. So to recap things the internet has given society: Porn, Gambling, Fantasy Sports, and the ability for kids to cheat at video games). The only other video game I have these kind of memories about is probably Contra and that's really just because the cheat code to get thirty lives has been indelibly etched into my brain (up up down down left left right right select start). So yeah, I liked the game.
2) The film got a zero percent on rottentomatoes.com. You have no idea how excited this made me. Its incredibly hard to do this. Even cinematic abortions like Pearl Harbor get something (24% positive in that case). The previously reviewed Underworld got a 30%. You have to really try to have not one critic give even a marginally positive review. So anyway anything that is allegedly this bad has to be seen. UPDATE: Since I originally wrote this the meter has moved up to 6%, not as cool but still it had to be seen.
Anyway back to the film. When I went in I was secretly hoping to be the only person in attendance (it just seemed like it would fitting), there was one other guy- (the total would get up to three by the time the film started) we didn't make eye contact.
Once the film began I knew right away I was in for a party. The main character Chun Li (played by Smallville's Kristin Kruek - yeah I watched smallville at one point. Deal with it haters, this was back when I didn't have cable and only got three channels. I have nothing to apologize for) explains in voice over how she grew from a small Asian actress into a vaguely exotic looking white girl. Now the content of her dialougue is pretty irrelevant (and I truly mean that) but the delivery is really what got me. I already knew Kristen was not what one would call a good actress, she has apparently one level 'stoned,' no matter what is happening. Father getting kidnapped by gangsters? Obi Wan Kanobi like teacher getting beat to hell? Trying to seduce a female henchwoman named Katana? All stoned. Really think of someone who's high trying really hard to read cue cards and not wanting to miss any words and you have a pretty good idea of Ms. Kruek's line readings. Ev-er-y word has to be com-ple-te-ly en-un-ci-a-ted at the ex-act same pace and em-o-tion-al le-vel.
Sample exchange:
Gen (aforementioned Ob Wan character): Why are you angry? (at this point he is basically dislocating chun li's shoulder)
Chun Li: You're hurting me
Gen (spinning her away): No you're hurting yourself
But think about this being delivered by two people wacked out on vicadin and you'll get an idea of the intensity level.
This medicated haze extended to rest of the cast. When you're watching a film shot in English and wondering if it was dubbed because of how flat the line readings are, I son't think that's a good sign. Or maybe its just a sign that this was the greatest film set of all time with the whole cast getting loaded every night and the only way they could maintain was to concentrate really hard not to forget their lines. I don't mean this as a criticism.
The one exception to this zombie like atmosphere was Chris Klein who plays Interpol agent "Charlie Nash...you can call me Nash." Klein walks around with a perpetual five o clock shadow, hawaiian necklace, v neck t-shirt, sports coat, and a long greasy haircut that wouldn't have been out of place on Miami Vice. He screams every line reading at a level turned up to eleven, and walks around like Val Kilmer in that scene in Top Gun where he chews out Maverick in the bathroom and then walks away in a sort of psuedo-waddle with his butt and chest stuck out and lips pursed. Also does the fact that he calls himself Nash lead Klein to constantly scream 'Nash out!' whenever he's on a walky talky? Yes, yes it does. Does this fact make me incredibly happy? Unequivocally.
The fact that I think Klein was playing this part seriously only makes my takes my enjoyment to a new level.
I just realized I've written approximately 30 million words without even talking about the plot. So Chun Li's father gets kidnapped from in front of her when she's a child. Later she gets an ancient scroll that sends her to Bangkok where she meets Obi Wan Konobi who trains her to fight the man who kidnapped her father. This leads to her tryingt to get her father back and stop the main bad guy from his ultimate plan of, and I'm not making this up, gentrifying the city. Seriously Bison is a crime boss and has people killed but his big plan is to buy up slum property, evict the tenants, and build condos. I can appreciate that. So does she end up stopping him? Does it really matter? (answer of course,how dare you for thinking otherwise). The plot is suitably dumb for a film such as this, and there's really not much else to say. They throw in a scene where Chun Li does her signature move from the game (the spinning helicopter kick) and even gave me some fireballs (though without a haduken) which I enjoyed. Plus taking a cue from the epic martial arts film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II the makers had some rapper du jour create a Street Fighter rap for the film. You can't go wrong with a themed rap song I've always said (it would have really helped The Reader for instance).
I really got nothing else, the film is ludicrous, the cast apparently heavily medicated, and action scenes really not that well done. However I did laugh out loud several times more than I have at many big budget comedies (Old School I'm looking at you) so that's something. So to answer the question of whether or not it was a waste of my time the answer is no.
Oh and the film's ending sets up not just a sequel but a whole potential franchise. For something so obviously bad (the studio didn't even screen it for critics) that's ballsy.
Update: Just a taste of the goodness
Postscript
This trailer played before the film and if its any indication of what the film is actually going to be about, it has the potential to be one of the most screwed up kids films ever:
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