Conan The Barbarian

I was interested in finally watching this film for two reasons. One, its the film that thrust the former governor of california (Gray Davis) into National Prominence. Two, there's a certain group of film geeks thats always insisting its one of the classics. Combined with the fact that it also stars James Earl Jones, is directed by John Milius, and written by Oliver Stone meant that I definitely wondered if this was secretly a great film hidden by a less than thrilling title (sort of like Buffy the Vampire Slayer being one of the great television dramas of the last twenty years).

Well its definitely not a classic, and in a lot of ways its actually pretty bad. The acting is pretty much universally awful (with the exception of James Earl Jones a brief Max Van Sydow appearance, who appear to be the only characters with a pulse) and the line readings are so flat its almost as if the actors are using all their faculties to just remember was the next word is. That being the case its probably a good thing that there is remarkably little dialougue, just long stretches of pointing and grunting (as well as some of the worst voice over narration I've ever heard). And look, I actually enjoy Arnold most of the time, but he spends all of this film either looking lost, or like he's nannete the gorilla. Not an auspicious film debut, but at least he had the roids going.

All that said the film features stuff like Conan punching a camel out, biting the jugular of a buzzard whose feeding on him while he's crucified to a tree, and casually bedding some woman who turns out to be possessed in order to get directions (he just shrugs it off and goes to sleep when she turns into a ball of fire and flies off). Also the score is more interesting, and generally much more understated, than you would expect from an ostensible sword and sandals epic. As a result its difficult for me to completely dismiss Conan, but I can't really recommend it either. Rather than embracing its pulpy nature, the film tries too hard to be serious and intense, but ultimately just doesn't have the actors to pull it off.

Blue Valentine

Blue Valentine follows the unraveling of a marriage interspersed with flashbacks to the, happier, beginning of the the relationship (and also features the most disconcerting sex scene since A History of Violence). These type of films, with overwhelmingly bleak subject matter, are really tough for me to evaluate. They are unsurprisingly going to be intense and induce strong emotional reactions, but this could be happening independent of the film's actual quality. In order to make it worth my time to watch something that is just inherently harsh there has to be something more that makes it worthwhile, otherwise I just kind of wonder what the point is. I feel the same way after watching Kevin James' films but at least there you have the mocking factor, and only experience a little more soul-crushing despair.

Allow me a digression that hopefully better illustrate my point. I'm currently reading this novel called 'Lullabies for Little Criminals.' The story is told from the point of view of a twelve year old girl whose parents had her when they were fifteen, mom died soon after childbirth, and she is now living with her junkie dad who has tuberculosis. Her life then continues to get worse after that (including stints in foster homes, juvie, turning tricks as a thirteen year old, not to mention a little ride on the H-Train). Anyway if all the book offered was a chronicle of a really screwed up childhood I'd probably have quit already. However the characters are richly developed, language lyrical, and the whole thing just feels incredibly observant. As a result the story is sad (often overwhelmingly so) but never feels bleak. More importantly it doesn't feel like the author is making everything so sad just to show that she can. Rather she's telling an story that also happens to be sad (the ending may be upbeat, haven't gotten there yet). Too often it feels like people creating films/books/tv shows strive to come up with the most hard core depressing scenario possible just to show that they can. I'm not saying everything has to have a happy ending (indeed it would be boring if it did) but if you're going to make me sit through an incredibly disconcerting scenario you need to use the setting to get at something deeper to justify the discomfort.

So does Blue Valentine do this? I'm still not sure. The performances are undeniably strong and I really enjoyed the score, but the key thing that it does right is convincingly illustrate how these two people who currently can't live together actually ended up married. If they hadn't have been able to do that then I would'e written the whole thing off. As it is, the film manages to be a realistic portrayal of the end of a marriage which manages to avoid beating you over the head with its subtext until the very end. You'll just have to decide if that sounds appealing to watch.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Wes Anderson is one of those guys whose work I generally enjoy. I get that his style could be annoying (and has been endlessly parodied) but for whatever reason his blend of whimsy and idiosyncratic behavior always manages to at least make me smile. Granted they're not necessarily the most substantial films (though I would argue that Rushmore and Life Aquatic, in particular, have some real depth and melancholy) but they're usually entertaining, and exhibit a unique voice.

Fantastic Mr. Fox comes off just like you'd expect a stop-motion animated film from Anderson to play. It has colorful characters (in this case anthropomorphic animals who wear formal attire), an oddball sense of humor, and some generally low-key sentimentality. The story is actually pretty slight, and the life lesson at the end feels forced, but in general the film is a light enjoyable ride with some moments of real inspiration.

Note: My favorite bits of the film are when they have the animals suddenly act like, well, animals. For instance interrupting an extended monologue to suddenly tear into food. It reminded me of one of my favorite Family Guy bits - when Brian the Dog remembers to act like a dog (ie. starts barking at a vacuum cleaner) which...never mind. I found it funny. I'm also apparently twelve.

Harry Potter and the deathly hallows Part 1

Or HP7A as its been called. Of course the acronym ends up sounding more like a STD so I guess there's that. As for the film itself I don't think there's that much to say. Anybody's who's all in has already seen it, and if you're not there's no point. More than any of the other films this one would probably make the least sense to a viewer who hadn't seen its predecessors and, to me at least, it seemed as though it would have been very difficult to understand what was going on if you haven't read the book. All that said it does a decent job moving things along, and more than any other film it shows how that without Hermione Harry would have been dead at least three years earlier.

Jackass 3-D/The Expendables

Jackass 3-D

I don't think I need to get into the 'plot' such that it is. At this point you're either on board with Jackass or you're not, and I sort of am. I won't deny that I get a sort of warped sense of joy from seeing people attempt and fail ridiculous stunts, and the way its presented in the Jackass universe the carnage comes off more as slapstick than actual masochism.

Anyway Jackass 3-d hues closely to the format established by its predecessors. With the exception of the opening and closing sequences, the stunts all have the charmingly low key DIY visual aesthetic of youtube videos, and there's more than enough carnage to keep fans happy. The unique this about the entry to the canon is that for the first time you see a real sense of fear on the faces of the participants (as well as more time being spent on the physical toll the stunts take). You could argue that before they were too young to know any better, and while age definitely plays a role, I think the bigger factor is that the majority of the film was shot with the cast being sober (due to some addiction issues of Steve-O). Therefore its understandable that they might actually have visible reservations about say, getting kicked in the nads by a donkey or running through a maze of tazers and cattle prods, and as a result the film has a somber undertone that I haven't seen before. Anyway the closing credits make it look like that this is probably the last entry and for the sake of everyone involved long term health I hope that's really the case.

The Expendables

I really wanted to like this reunion of great eighties action stars (plus Crank 2's own Jason Statham) but I just can't. On the whole the Expendables tries way to hard to be over the top and testosterone filled, and you can practically feel the mechanics of the plot groaning at all times. I never would have thought that an action film starring Sly Stallone, Dolph Lungren, Jason Statham, etc would every be too restrained, but this was. Its almost too self-aware and ends up feeling more like a plod than the glorious piece of testosterone laden unintentional comedy it should have been. I guess next time the participants need to do as much coke as they did back in the eighties to get a better result.

Quick Round up of stuff I haven't mentioned

There were several films I saw while traveling this summer that I haven't written up yet and in the interest of completeness should be mentioned:

Invictus - Should have been great, was tolerable at best

Before the Devil Knows you're dead - Man this was bleak, well made film though

Prince of Persia - Pass

Robin Hood - Unnecessary

Raging Bull - Bleak as hell, and probably not as good as the hype suggests. Still you can't dismiss the artistry.

The Devil Wears Prada - A plane selection, and I think I'm the first person who ever watched this back to back with raging bull. I've had a lot of people tell me how great it was and I was curious. It was okay, but I'm tired of films where the protagonist can't get a high powered job without alienating everyone in their life. A lot of people can maintain perfectly normal lives while finding the intensity of their work rewarding. Whatever.

Valentines Day - Obviously this was a plane viewing. You know how bad the reviews were? Its worse, almost offensively bad. Its the type of film I never watch voluntarily, and if this is what passes for a mainstream romantic comedy I weep for everybody who has to sit through them. I'm serious, you have no idea how much this sucked.

I also watched all three lord of the rings films back to back to back on a 15 hour flight and I was surprised how well they held up. The stuff with Frodo really drags, but otherwise they were still engaging films and I was surprised how much I enjoyed watching them again.