Up In the Air, The Warriors, Avatar

The fact that I'm actually working regular hours these past few weeks means my schedule has prevented me from my usual posting schedule, but since I know everybody (and by everybody I mean your mom) can't live without my thoughts here's a few quick hits:

Up In The Air

I really enjoyed the film (as I have Jason Reitman's previous work - Thank You for Smoking & Juno), and thought it did a nice job capturing the reality of travel, in particular the honesty that can emerge on the road between people who wouldn't otherwise associate. I also appreciate that the one point that the film looked like it was going to descend into cliche and cheap sentimentality it made a complete one-eighty (you'll know what I'm talking about when you see it) and took a turn that I thankfully didn't see coming.

I do want to address the fact George Clooney's character is secretly kind of screwed up (he lives his entire existence trying to avoid meaningful human contact and tries to convince others to do the same) but because of how Clooney portrays him we still like him and want to be his buddy. Some reviews have said that this is disingenuous and that it would be better if the chracter was less polished so we would truly see the depths of his 'depravity.' I don't buy this at all, by making him sympathetic the film leaves it up to the viewer to decide what they think about his world view. If anything, its even more interesting to see somebody who unapologically has chosen an atypical lifestyle and doesn't even seem to be that concerned about it.

The Warriors

My brothers and I rented this 1979 film from Walter Hill solely because Bill Simmons has been raving about it since we started reading his columns almost ten years ago. After watching it, well, I can't say I get the hype. Don't get me wrong the premise is fantastic. Somewhere in the future all the gangs in new york meet up in central park to hear a pitch from Cyrus (the leader of the city's largest gang) about teaming up to run the city (basically he's Stringer Bell from the Wire). He's then assassinated by a rival gang, who promptly blame it on a gang from Coney Island - the titular Warriors. The Warriors then have to fight their way back to Coney with all the other gangs (and cops) out to get them. Its a simple set up, and could have been a terrific gritty nihilistic action film. Unfortunately the film hasn't aged well, features a lot of walking, mediocre acting (at best) and surprisingly little violence. What fights there are end up feeling lackluster, and the whole enterprise has a lot less energy than it should. Its not unwatchable, just after all the hype I expected more than a passable seventies action film.

Avatar

I don't have anything new to add to what's already been written about the film. The plot is predictable, dialogue clunky, and characters one-dimensional. In terms of story content there is absolutely nothing new here. It's almost as if Cameron wanted to make sure there wasn't anything to distract us from the visuals - and he may have been right. The visuals are stunning, you have to see this in 3-D on the biggest screen possible to even have a chance of appreciating everything going on in the film. It's the first time I've seen a 3-D film where the technology felt like more than a gimmick and actually enhanced immersement into the film's world. The greatest compliment I can give to the whole thing is that the visuals kept me from carping on the film's aforementioned flaws (as well as kepping me from complaining about being stuck in the front row of an IMAX theater). Instead I just kept thinking about how cool and flawless most of the effects were, and how much I'd love to visit the environment Cameron created. That said I don't see how this could possibly sell on DVD. You sure wouldn't buy it to appreciate the story, and no television screen on earth could do it justice.

The Girlfriend Experience

I liked this film, but I don't really have a lot to say about it. Steven Soderbergh follows a highly-paid escort and her personal trainer boyfriend as they go through a few days of their lives. Even though the whole thing is shot in a non-linear manner, its never confusing and everything feels natural and authentic (well except for the loving boyfriend who apparently has no problem with his girlfriend working as paid escort. I know this makes me close-minded, but that seems to be a bit of a stretch). In particular there is a scene where the boyfriend is trying to negotiate a raise from his boss that felt like any number of conversations I've heard in real life. Soderbergh even manages to sprinkle in some commentary about the recent financial meltdown, but it never feels forced and is really not the focus of the plot. The film is really just about capturing 'a day in the life' of a couple of working people. The fact that one of them is an escort (and portrayed by a real life porn star) is just the hook - the profession could have easily been changed and the film's message wouldn't have been greatly effected. Anyway if you're a fan of low-key character studies I recommend checking this out.

Where The Wild Things Are

Unlike a lot of people I didn't go into this film full of lovely memories of the childrens book it's based on. In fact the only memory I have is that the titular Wild Things had some owl like features (come to think of it I don't have vivid memories of any of the kid's books my parents read me. They could have saved a lot of money and just used the Sunday comic pages, I obviously wouldn't have know the difference). As a result my interest was generated solely by the presence of director Spike Jonze (Adaptation, Being John Malckovich) and writer Dave Eggers (A heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Away We Go), both of whose work I've enjoyed in the past. I say this just to make clear that I didn't go into this expecting some amber-tinted walk down memory lane that would make tear up with feelings of nostalgia.

Anyway, before I get into what didn't work for me (and you know that's what I'm going to focus on) lets get the positive out of the way. The film is beautifully shot, has some moments of real energy, and nicely captures the look of the book (at least the little bit I remember). The film also achieves its biggest goal (and which has been stated in many reviews of being its most significant accomplishment) of accurately portraying a child's view of the world. Unfortunately (and I fully realize this next section is going to say more about me than any shortcoming of the film) this was my biggest problem with it, and the aspect that kept me from being fully engaged. As I watched the protagonist Max fight with his sister, become frustrated with (and eventually bite) his mom, and escape to a fantasy land where the various wild things acted as doppelgangers for his different character traits, I realized that I really don't care about a child's worldview. Its unfocused, petulant, illogical, and in most ways not that interesting. I mean there's a reason that we (and by we I mean me) don't usually like to spend two hours talking to nine year olds about their feelings on how things are going. They're kids, and by definition stupid (at least I was, I'm sure all of you were incredibly engaging youngsters) - we tell them what to do. I know they don't understand the big picture and are easily frustrated - I'm not sure I want to see a whole film documenting that.

As usual I end up sounding much more negative than I actually feel. Most of you are empathetic human beings, who will invariably find something touching in this realistic portrayal of childhood (and even if you're not the film has a lot of elements worth recommending). I'm just a cold and hearltess individual who should never be allowed direct influence over small children (of course after my slobbering review of Bad Lieutenant you already knew that).

One Tree Hill - You know I love you, Don't You

I may be a little less than focused for this. Its the final game of the regular season in my fantasy football league and I'm playing for the division (and the ever valuable bye week). I'm currently up by nine (of course I was on plane this morning and missed the fact that my kicker was benched and got a nice zero out of that position) and my opponent has the vikings defense playing Arizona. So far so good but a pick six would kill me, therefore if you see a stream of profanity you know why.

-It looks like the Jerry McGuire ripoff is in full effect. Clay's former agency has taken all his clients and he has to drive to Arkansas to convince some unknown college QB to stick with him.
-Jamie's favorite movie is White Man Can't Jump. That's some sound parenting right there. This gives Skills the idea to use Jaime and his annoying friend Chet in his promo video for a job as a sports coordinator.
-Nathan's agency proposes that he go Spain to play because every (I repeat 'every') NBA team has a full roster and is capped out(see previous post). They seem to imply that playing in Europe for a year will raise his profile enough to get an NBA deal. So he's gone from getting a two year $20 million contract offer to getting shipped off to Spain. Are we sure he's actually any good?
-Ahh Mouth misses the Old Mille, not the new drunk driver version. He says this all to her while she's passed out. Savvy
-Phew, she was just pretending to sleep.
-Julian tells Alex that Brooke can't have kids. He wants her to keep it to herself. Then proceeds tells her that he didn't know how much he wanted to have kids until he found out he couldn't have any. That's right, tell the emotionally unstable drug addict model who is still in love with you that you want to have kids. That'll keep her away.
-Clay apparently drives to Arkansas from North Carolina in one morning to convince this great unknown QB prospect to stick with him. It seems like it should have taken more time for him to get there. Lets pause a second to check Google Maps....yeah it should have been 13 hours minimum, and there's no way his suit should still be perfectly pressed. I call misleading. This prospect has an agent so he's obviously not enrolled in college (or maybe he is, and Clay is about to put a University on probation) yet Clay is banking on him to be the next great NFL QB, even though nobody knows about him (his words). An auspicious debut for the new agency.
-Oh no, even Tebow part two is thinking about firing him. We're this close to having Clay scream Show Me The Money.
-Millie flips out when Alex flushes the last of her crack. She's a mean drunk (or junkie, or whatever).
-Alright Opie isn't so unknown, he knows he's due a big payday and cuts Clay off like Michael did to Fredo.
-Haley has to go on tour, so now Nathan can't just run off to Spain because they wouldn't be together. Apparently her going on tour would be okay if he still played for Charlotte because...he would go with her???
-Alex gives Brooke fertility booklets. This goes over well.
-Clay makes a detour to Memphis, lets check google again...okay only three hours, its possible, but then gets back to tree hill before nighfall possible. Though he apparently has traveled 1500 in one day with several stops. Maybe Millie isn't the only crack addict.
-Skills has Jaime and Chuck dress like the guys from White Men Can't jump and reenact some scenes. This is wrong on so many levels. Not least because a ten year old goofy white kid is playing Wesley Snipes' role. Poor Wesley.
-Millie's cocaine contact says she has to steal Brooke's prototype dress or the C-Train is cut off. I sense a confrontation.
-Jaime is draining ten footers and dribbling like he's on the Globetrotters. The show then honest to god has him dunk. He used chuck as a stepping stool, but really? They actually plays this whole scene straight, like its perfectly normal for a six year old to dunk on a ten foot rim (which I actually kind of respect). Also Skills is doing this reel to get a job as a sports coordinator, and there's nothing Hollywood looks for more than kids playing street ball. Actually strike that, there's probably a remake of White Men Can't jump starring elementary school kids in the works.
-Nathan, in a stunning display of logic, realizes that Haley can go on tour for a few weeks and then meet him in Spain. Haley is flabbergasted by this idea.
-Apparently Alex's movie didn't sell because she was attached and nobody wanted to produce a film by a marginally talented actress who has a sordid past. Much like the NBA this versionof Hollywood apparently has a morality clause.
-Yes Arizona, 27 points and Minnesota's defense throws up a nice -2 points. Who's the big winner?
-Mouth gives mille the old 'If you walk out that door don't bother coming back speech,' Brooke tells Julian she needs some time apart, Clay tell Quinn he's leaving, and Skills and Jaime have an emotional breakup. Sooooo much drama.
-Skills asks Mouth to go to LA with him, man I hope he does. Maybe the writers have realized he sucks as bad as I think.
-Episode ends with Alex leaving Julian a morose e-mail and then slitting her wrists in a bathtup. No way they actually let her die, but a girl can hope.

A Serious Man

This is the sort of movie I would have found incredibly profound back when I was eighteen and wanted to appear deep (now I just want to wallow in blow and hookers). This is the Coen Brother's second follow up to the Academy Award Winning No Country for Old Men (O-Ver-Ra-Ted), and while it does better than its immediate predecessor (the dreadful Burn After Reading) it still left me unsatisfied. The film's plot (such that it is) follows a physics professor in the 1950's as his life gets progressively worse - then it ends (the film that is not the character's life). The films biggest problem is that it plays more like a loosely related collection of sketches as opposed to any kind of coherent narrative. This isn't to say it wasn't entertaining, many of the bits are pretty funny and the ending punchline is clever, but the whole exercise ends up feeling self indulgent and a little pointless (which as I alluded to earlier would have greatly impressed me about ten years ago). I could go on and compare A Serious Man to the Coen's previous work (the majority of which I greatly enjoyed), but instead I think the logical comparison is Transformers II. In both films a lot of stuff happens that is only tenuously related, they both made me laugh, and I left them both feeling some level of frustration (granted in the case of Transformers it was frustration with humanity for helping it earn roughly a billion dollars). Thankfully for the Coens, A Serious Man also exhibits aspects that Transformers didn't - namely competent acting, some semblance of a script, and excellent cinematography. So there's that. Like I said before, the film isn't unwatchable, it just ends up feeling empty and makes me wish the creators turned their energy to something a little less myopic (I suggest the Third Twilight Film...or your mom).

Why I may have to consider this whole Twilight thing

I've mad e it clear in the past that the Twilight story holds no interest for me (and yes I realize that I"m not the target audience) however I recently read something that ensures that I will at least see the fourth film in the series. Since I can't say it any better than Devin over at CHUD, give this a read before coming back to see a few additional thoughts. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Got all that? Good. I have confirmed the accuracy of the above summary with a friend of mine who has read all the books so I'm left to consider two possible scenarios:

1) The author, Stephanie Meyers, had so much F-you money after the success of the first three books that she decided to write the most insane, illogical, ode to pedophilia possible just to show that teenage girls would still lap it up as a tragic gothic romance.
2) She's just insane, and thinks that a twenty something werewolf become obsessed with a baby is what passes for true love.

Either way I'm intrigued, and can't wait to see how a major hollywood studio deals with what is essentially the Roman Polanski story (rimshot). They can't change the details dramatically because all the rabid fans will go absolutely nuts, but they risk alienating all the, who I like to call, thinking people. They're probably just going to have to suck it up and show how the circle of older men loving younger women going into eternity. If I have a daughter I'm never letting her read these books. Won't stop me from watching this movie though (even though I know there's no way it lives up to its absolutely insane promise).

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans

This movie is absolutely glorious. Seriously. You have no idea. I'd forgotten how much fun Nicolas Cage can be when he actually tries. Much like Matthew McConaughy is the optimal guy to play a pot head, there is no one more suited than Cage at playing a cocaine-addled, corrupt, New Orleans Police officer. After seeing this performance I thought back to an interview I read with director Werner Herzog where he speculated that Cage may have actually been doing coke during the filming and I totally agreed. He's that good. But I digress.

You remember how much I loved Crank 2? Well Bad Lieutenant takes that film's sense of utter insanity and has talented people execute it. I don't remember being so happy during a viewing of a movie since, well, Crank 2. I'm not even going to bother getting into the plot, because it's kind of irrelevant, rather I'll just give you a few of my favorite moments:

-'Everything I take is prescription...except for the heroin'
-'Shoot him again. His soul's still dancing'
-extended P.O.V. shots from an alligator and two iguanas because...why not
-Cage emerging from behind the quintessential swinging door shot while shaving with an electric razor, and then proceeding to threaten two senior citizens (I don't want to ruin how this plays out, its amazing)
-Seriously I can't emphasize how great Cage's portrayal is. From the perfectly disheveled suit, to the iconic Cage crazy-bug eyes, to the .357 magnum that he keeps tucked in his waistband everywhere he goes. It's perfect, I couldn't stop smiling from the minute he came on screen.

I'll leave it at that because I can't do this justice. I'll just say if you're willing to get past the rampant drug use, sadism, and anti-social behavior on the part of law enforcement, I cannot recommend Bad Lieutenant highly enough.

Update: Here's an interview with director Herzog, that explains a lot. Read it after seeing the film though to preserve the experience. You have to love a guy whose film school aims to teach:

"...more practical subjects, will be the art of lockpicking. Traveling on foot. The exhilaration of being shot at unsuccessfully. The athletic side of filmmaking. The creation of your own shooting permits. The neutralization of bureaucracy. Guerrilla tactics. Self reliance."

and has guidelines like:

"Censorship will be enforced. There will be no talk of shamans, of yoga classes, nutritional values, herbal teas, discovering your Boundaries, and Inner Growth."

One Tree Hill - You are a runner and I am my Father's son

Promising Developments from last time:
-The Bobcats have 'capped' themselves out (apparently the NBA has a hard cap now) by trading for another point guard. The implication being Nathan won't be able to sign anywhere else, and we finally learn that the reason they were scared by the groupie thing is that he wasn't that good.
-Millie has moved on from regular diet pills to cocaine - the ultimate diet pill
-Brooke isn't pregnant - possibly the first time in a soap opera where a lack of pregnancy is the big shocker

And here we go:
-The show just ignores the fact that the NBA doesn't have a salary cap, just a luxury tax limit. Teams can spend as much as they want, they just have to pay a tax for any excess. But enough about the collective bargaining agreement.
-Nathan runs off to make Clay tell him why 'he lied to his face' when he told Nathan he would get a deal done.
-Nathan goes crazy when he hears that he can no longer play for the Bobcats (and that Clay is nailing Quinn) - he then fires Clay on the spot. I guess in this reality the Bobcats are a desirable team to play for.
-Even the Bobcats are unaware that the NBA doesn't have a hard cap. Michael Jordan must still be running things from the golf course.
-Really Mike Tolbert gets san diego's goal line carry??? Not LT or Gates??? Sorry fantasy football break
-Millie's crack addiction manifests itself by her sorting clothes. I guess this is better than knocking over a convenience store.
-Brooke takes out her not being pregnant on Julian.
-Alex realizes Millie has been stealing her coke. She gets suspicious when Millie comes over talking fast. She should be on The Wire, that's some good detecting.
-Rachel wants to do Dan's show from the hallway where he murdered his brother (we get a nice flashback) and a high school kid killed himself. She continues to be the most realistic character on the show, I can totally see Oprah doing the same thing.
-Millie plays hardball with Brooke and demands $500K to keep modeling. Nose Candy isn't going to buy itself.
-Brooke calls Millie an ungrateful employee for demanding market value. Who knew she was a closet communist.
-The moral of this week's show is that personal relationships are more important than business, and that Nathan should feel bad for firing Clay because they're friends. And Millie should feel bad for asking to get paid.
-Looks like Skillz is moving to LA to be a sports coordinator.
-Alex tells Millie she needs to stop doing coke. She says she will. That's what I call drug counseling.
-Clay's agency fires him over the Nathan deal. He walks off and puts a picture of Nathan and him facedown on the counter. That's what I call symbolism.
-Mouth: 'Television's funny. It can erase all your mistakes, or hold them against you.' Deep
-Quinn gets mad because Clay held out for a better deal and got fired. She argues his holding out meant that he thought Nathan was worth more and this shouldn't be held against him. This must be how Michael Crabtree's agent stays employed
-Brooke's infertile, duh duh duh
-Millie finds new cocaine contact (McKenna the model), looks like Alex's drug talk didn't work. Shocking
Mouth finds a rolled up hundred on the bathroom floor, and sees white residue on a mirror. Way to cover your tracks Millie. Maybe this means she wants to get caught. Or she just sucks at it.
-And we have the tell tale bloody nose as Millie vehemently denies being a drug addict. Mouth calmly hands her the rolled up bill and says 'I believe this is yours.' I think we're approaching the much anticipated meltdown.
-Dan tries to drown Clay for messing up Nathan's career. Except he was just using it as a teaching tool to get Clay to fix the situation. Savvy.
-Alex is off the wagon. So if she slept around a lot when she was sober I guess now its going to get even crazier.
-Millie gets busted for drunk driving (with Alex in tow). I guess this is bottom. How disappointing.
-Millie calls Brooke from the drunk tank. Brooke hangs up on her. Well Played. Coke fiend needs a night in the slammer.

An Education

So bear with me for a minute. I'm going to recommend a film that deals with an older man seducing a smart independent high school girl, but does so with a light sense of humor and, dare I say, an almost whimsical feeling that keeps you from being completely creep-ed out. I'm even going to claim that it paints a vivid picture of 1960's England, and uses the aforementioned seduction to effectively illustrate the changing sexual politics of the era (and thus I satisfy my pretension quota for the hour). The beauty of An Education is that it follows a sixteen year old girl (Carey Mulligan) entering into a relationship with a markedly older man (Peter Saasgard) with the seeming, tacit, consent of her parents (Alfred Molina and Rosemunda Pike), yet manages to balance itself in such a way that you aren't horrified by what's going on. That's not to say the film condones the relationship, it just realizes all the characters to such a degree that all of the interactions feel real, and we're able to at least understand the characters' motivations.

I want to end by saying something to all you Twilight fans. The fact that you're lining up this weekend to watch, to paraphrase another, better, reviewer, a reformed pedophile try to hit on a high school girl means that you're already into this sort of scenario. Therefore why don't you watch An Education, a film that has a coherent script, realistic characters, and an interesting story, instead? I will admit that it doesn't feature any vampires, but go rent Blade II after and you'll be fine. You'll thank me.

One Tree Hill - Now You Lift your eyes to the sun

Wow Heather Locklear is starring on the new Melrose Place, shockingly she was available. I may not consider watching it now (see what I did there)

-Brooke is still going crazy about Julian working with Alex.
-Clay tells Nathan he should turn down a 2 year offer - which he says is only being offered because of the groupie's story. You know the one that has been proven to be false.
-Millie is becoming a party crazy model hopped out on diet drugs. I am enjoying this
-Mouth finds her bag of pills, odds that she says they're vitamins?
-Clay keeps playing hardball with Charlotte
-Dan's back baby. He flies in on a private jet with a picture of him on the side. I want to make fun, but I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing if I became television talk show host with a show centered around what I'm learning from my imminent death.
-Haley is giving a free concert, and apparently the demand is so high that dozens of people ar elined up for it. Taylor Swift she is not - though there is a chance she actually sings one of Ms. Swift's songs.
-OMG Brooke might be pregnant. She handles this well.
-Dan's wife to Jaime - 'Oh I remember when you were a rumor in third period' - about time someone smacked that little whiner with some cold reality
-While waiting for Charlotte to respond to his Boras like tactics Clay bonds with the fourth black guy in the history of the show, an orphan at a school where Quinn volunteers, by shooting hoops with him and talking about their dead relatives. Because if there's anything that a seven year old wants to hear about its your dead wife.
-Brooke's not pregnant. She is legitimately devastated. I'm sure she won't take this out on Julian
-Alex freaks out when they finish the script and she's no longer able to work with Julian every night. Smash cut to her sitting over a mirror with some interesting paraphernalia on it. I think getting back on the smack is a bit of an overreaction but what do I know. This is capped off with her calling Julian and saying that she's about to fall off the wagon if he doesn't come over to her hotel right away. I guess that's one way to get his attention.
-Haley's music can best be described as 'Maybe' by Everly. Product placement strikes again.
-Millie calls Mouth 'Mouth' which apparently she never does. I guess this means she's gone hollywood. Basically in about three days she's become a pill popping, dress stealing, slang slinging epitome of every model cliche ever. That's commitment to a lifestyle.
-Nathan gives dan the old "You're dead to me - The moment Keith died you died" classic
-Brooke to Julian "Well I'm worried about us but you do what you've got to do." How dare he try keep a smack addict off the coke train.
-It turns out Alex didn't have any cocaine - Millie stole it and is now snorting up like a pro. I haven't seen a decent into narcotics this fast in a situation not involving a professional athlete.
-Episode ends with Charlotte trading for another point guard, the immortal Derrick Mcdaniel, and the a sportscast announcer saying that this leaves Nathan 'needing to find a spot elsewhere, if at all.' The implication is that Nathan's career prospects are so bleak that no one else will sign him. Maybe Charlotte only offered a two year deal for something known as legitimate basketball reasons. Now it all makes sense, Nathan actually sucks and the team was just using the groupie nonsense to avoid having to resign him. I knew the show would explain everything. They were a little too excited about that double-double

One Tree Hill - I just Died in your arms tonight

So now that this whole groupie allegedly ruining Nathan's chances to sign an NBA contract storyline is all played out, what could possibly happen to interrupt the idyllic tranquil of the North Carolina hamlet? Let's find out:

-I accidentally started the episode 27 minutes in and didn't notice for about three. I'm serious. I think this speaks to its timeless nature
-Episode opens with Dan getting a heart transplant in mexico, but he's still awake when they cut him...oh wait it was a dream. Fake out.
-This episode is apprently going to revolve around Julian getting forced to go camping with Nathan and the boys
-Clay hallucinates his dead ex wife coming out of the pool like Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Apparently he hasn't really moved on as much as we thought. His wife, remember she's only in his head, then nags him for not going on the camping trip.
-Just as Nathan says "First rule of camping - pack light" Julian walks up with half of REI on his back. AWKWARD
-Quinn and Brooke feed Haley 'special' brownies which just makes her hungrier. Haley doesn't realize this means pot. My guess is hijinks will ensue.
-Smash cut to everybody watching Wizard of Oz on the couch eating cheetos - well played
-Clay is still in his pool chatting with his dead wife. She doesn't like the outfits he's imagining for her. Even in his dreams he gets nagged. Nice
-Dan hallucinates a bloody body while on air and then passes out. His wife says "We should have saved that for sweeps." Because she's only concerned with ratings you see
-In a flashback we learn that Dan went to Mexico and purchased a new heart for $5,000, which according to Rachel is "A fortune to these people." I assume she means Antoine Walker circa 2009.
-Haley has emptied the refrigerator and is snacking. Brooke is still paranoid. That must have been some amazing pot.
-They then decide to call a Psychic to make a house call. These are some motivated pot heads.
-Apparently Dan hasn't told anyone about his transplant, so everyone believes he's living on borrowed time. Apparently this chance that he could die on air is all that is driving his ratings. That actually makes sense.
-Showing how its right on the pulse of 2007, the show has Julian suggest to Mouth that he give the Internet a try - maybe do some of that web casting thingy. I can already see the storyline where they show how a straight talking sports blob becomes immediately popular and makes tons of money. Much like the NBDL
-The guys sit around the campfire discussing the best Sports movie of all time. Nathan says Field of Dreams - solid. Mouth suggests Coach Carter which Skills says is a strong choice. I really can't say how many things are wrong with that statement. Seriously I could write a book about that insanity. But I won't
-Skills spills how Nathan and Brooke made a sex tape in high school. Julian reacts with restraint and aplomb (he actually does, could it be we have an emotionally developed being on the show?)
-The Psychic says something in latin as she leaves and two lightest weight potheads of all time freak out. They immediately consult a Ouija board to find out if its a curse. Savvy.
-I can't take it - Hoosiers, Chariots of Fire, Miracle, even Invincible all way better than Coach Carter. Though its still ahead of Seabiscuit
-Apparently Clay never told anyone he was married - his dead wife says this is why he's still haunted.
-Quinn (about who we'll just keep ignoring the fact that she left her husband because he made the unreasonable demand that he didn't want to be a starving documentarian any more) shows up at Clay's doorstep. He tells her about his wife, cries, and says 'it doesn't matter how fast you run, pain will always run faster.' Deep
-Dan is haunted by a spectre of the boy he got his heart from. Apparently Rachel paid some family to pull the plug on the kid to get the heart. To reassure him she says
'I did what I had to do to save your life, I'm not a murderer, you are'
Way to assuage your husbands fear by bringing up how he killed his brother. Its almost like you can't trust gold digging ex strippers to be supportive wives.
-In a stunning display of parenting Nathan lets Jaime run off into the forest to examine a strange sound just so Jaime will feel brave. It makes me almost want to have kids, so I can treat them like the proverbial canary in the cole mine.
-Dan decides to go back to Tree Hill. Duh Duh Duh

The Men Who Stare at Goats

I was all set to dismiss this film as being amusing yet inconsequential, but after thinking about it for a little bit I thing it deserves more credit than that. The film's plot revolves around Ewan Magregor's character traveling around Iraq with George Clooney. The film flashes back and forth between them, and Clooney's time in The New Earth Army - a secret division of the Army that back in the eighties tried to create an army of psychic super heroes. Jeff Bridges led these self -described Jedi's and they engage in varying psychic experiments - culminating with Clooney's character appearing ti kill a goat just by staring at it (see how I worked the title in there).

The film doesn't really have any big message, and most of the enjoyment comes from the fact that you're never entirely sure if the characters really have psychic powers - or if they're just really lucky. The cast is also loaded (besides the aforementioned three, it also includes Kevin Spacey, Stephen Root, and Robert Patrick) which is important in a film that has a premise as slight as this. They're able to convincingly sell characters that are in all likelihood crazy (Clooney in particular) and as a viewer you feel drawn to their LSD inspired lunacy.

So while The Men Who Stare at Goats doesn't have a significant message or particularly deep story, it does have an affable charm and understated sense of humor (really) that makes for a pleasant viewing experience. Why I'm trying to sound like a morning show reviewer is beyond me.

One Tree Hill - I and Love and You

Judging by the new stream, One Tree Hill has gotten HD treatment. I can't think of a more deserving show.

-We start with Dan about to put renee the groupie on his show 'Scott Free' (I'm not kidding) ostensibly to 'bury' Nathan. Nathan says this interview will keep him out of the NBA. Because apparently she could say so much more that people don't already know. Maybe it'll turn out that Nathan beats Vietnamese children. Not that even that could keep a 20 ppg shooting guard out of the league
-Ahh the mysterious visitor to Clay is his ex-wife who left him and is now taunting him
-Clay (nathan's agent) is afraid the interview will end both his and Nathan's career. I guess he doesn't have that diverse of a client base
-Nathan and Hailey talk about how their life as they know it will probably end after this interview. I'm not sure if this storyline is more ludicrous than the way the show portrayed the NBDL as being successful, but I do have to give it to the writers for standing pat and not wavering from the idea that allegations of infidelity would deep six an NBA stars career
-35-11-6, apparently this is the 'career' stat line that Nathan was out and caused him celebrate to such a degree that he got loaded and allegedly knocked up the groupie. I mean this is a nice enough game, but lets reign it in guys. If that is what sets you off that means that your regular stats couldn't have been all that impressive. Maybe that has more to do with why you're having contract issues. Now this all makes sense
-Ahh the hook of this episode is all the characters who are currently in relationship trouble flashing back onto how happy they were in the past. How I hate them
-Brooke continues to be Psycho chick and gets all pissy because Julian is still working with Alex. The one whose advances he repeatedly rebuffed, but she still doesn't 'trust' him. Of course she doesn't. She still can't out crazy Peyton
-Its like the things that Dan is saying on the broadcast are perfectly relevant for all the characters in the show. Spooky
-Oh Snap, Dan springs a lie detector test on Renee. Tricky. And she lets them rig her up even though she doesn't want to take it. Wuss
-Flashback for the agent - his wife convinces him only to represent 'good' guys, and find clients who he believes in and with whom he can be friends. Looks like somebody has watched Jerry McGuire and few too many times
-Dan's catch phrase is "Stand in the light - get yourself right." Catchy
-Nathan brings up a relevant point that Dan could be rigging the lie detector. This doesn't stop everyone from believing it when it says Renee is telling the truth. Talk about easily manipulable. Its like in the Invention of Lying, everybody just accepts what they hear.
-Apparently Quinn left her husband because he decided that he wanted to get a job with medical benefits instead of being a struggling documentary filmmaker. Seems reasonable to me.
-Dan hooks himself up to the lie detector and shows that the machine returns true for every statement - everybody is predictably shocked. Dan then reads Renee's pupils to show she was lying. So he's the Mentalist as well. The whole thing was a set up - tricky.
-Everybody is so relieved when Renee admits she didn't have sex with Nathan. I guess they can hear the dollar signs in the background.
-The last record Clay was playing before his wife left him was Willie Nelson's - Angel flying Too Close to The Ground. I didn't realize Willie wanted to appeal to the Jonas Brothers demographic.
-Ahhhh hahahahahah, I completely called it last episode. His wife didn't leave him, she died and he's been hallucinating her this entire time. Perfect. I don't think we've had a two episode 'I talk to dead people' storyline yet.
-Julian takes care of Brooke's crazy without having to propose. Smooth, I figured for sure the episode would end with him on his knee.
-Instead it ends with Clay talking to his dead wife and crying - yet somehow he finally learns to let go. I think we can all learn something from this, and I am not ashamed to admit that I found the whole thing to be incredibly moving.

See this show teaches us to love again, and you think it only exists to promote the Starburst summer concert series.

Celebrity

I can conservatively be called a huge Woody Allen fan. I think Crimes & Misdemeanors, Manhattan, and Sweet & Lowdown are three of my favorite films. Even his lessor works (Scoop, Mighty Aphrodite, Hollywood Ending) have enough intriguing elements to keep me involved. The man can flat out write, and just listening to his dialogue is, usually, enough to keep me engaged for hours. Never before have I ever watched one of his films without feeling like I got something out of it - that changed with Celebrity. Really this was a complete and utter misfire in every way. Nothing worked. The satire felt flat and completely devoid of any reality, there were subplots that didn't seem to have any point, and none of the characters engaged me on any level. Really the entire thing felt like a satire of Woody Allen films made by someone who hates him.

Look the man averages a film every other year, so the quality is bound to fluctuate. =In a way I glad he got everything that didn't work into this one film rather than making a string of duds. That said until last night I could confidently say that even bad Woody Allen is better than 90% of all the other stuff that comes out and I'll miss being able to be that pretentious.

One Tree Hill - Deep Ocean Vast Sea

The title already has me excited, and the episode description is:Haley considers taking matters into her own hands when Nathan's scandal threatens his endorsement deals.

Let's ignore for the fact that unless Nathan is suddenly endorsing Berean Bible Bookstores, I can't think of any sponsors that would actually dump and NBA star because of the allegation of impropriety. What interests me is that Haley apparently doesn't decide to get involved until the money get cut off. Perfect.

-Episode starts with a Rainstorm Body Spray commercial getting cut off before the shoot because the sponsor got skittish. The commercial was set to star Nathan laying in bed with a scantily clad model, so this is like Axe dumping somebody who might have slept around.
-Millie is partying for the second night in the row with Alex. We can tell it was crazy because her hair is standing
-Dan asks Renee (groupie) to appear on his TV show to tell her story. I'm sure this will go well
-Nathan gets mad when Haley (reasonably) asks about Renee's number showing up all over his cell phone bill. Nathan's response: I'm an NBA star, girls get my number. I respond to each of them individually and explain that while I appreciate their interest, I am happily married and my wife trusts me. This is of course easier than, I don't know, ignoring them. He finishes by saying "I guess I did lie haley...about my wife trusting me." BURN!
-I'm so bored with the Millie as a model storyline
-At least the show acknowledges that Nathan would still be employed by an NBA team with this scandal. It just means he's going to get paid a lot less.
-Now Haley wants to pay groupie off to say she lied, basically because it would be less than what he's losing in endorsements. I wonder if she did the appropriate present value calculations to reach that decision
-Awww, Nathan's agent is already having an existential crisis so this whole Nathan scandal thing is really harshing his mellow.
-I hate to keep harping on this, but the fact that Nathan is losing endorsements is killing me. Kobe actually had to go to trial and all I think he lost was Nutella.
-Julian asks Mia if she ever met anyone on tour who surprised her with their talent. She said Chris Martin (not really). He apparently doesn't believe that Alex could write the improved script. Bigot
-Nathan's agent, Clay, talks to a strange woman in the bar from his past - My guess is that she's a hallucination
-Haley tells Nathan that she's paying Renee, no argument. Momma want a bigger house I guess
-Brooke realizes that Alex is just acting like high school Brooke. Hmmm, I wish I knew brooke in high school
-Mouth goes all network and goes on the air with a heavy handed criticism about the network's coverage of the scandal. He then encourages the viewers to stop watching in protest. It ends with his slow-mo walk out of the studio. Tremendous
-HAHAHAHAHA Millie sneakes some of Alex's diet pills. I'm suddenly liking where this is going. If she ends up crying in the corner after getting addicted I am going to be so happy.
-According to the cast bios 90% of the female cast modeled in teen vogue (my estimate). That includes Mouth.
-Brooke fires Alex and gets mad at Julian - exits by saying 'Ciao Bitches'
-Haley has a change of heart about paying Renee off, but she feels bad because Nathan might lose his career. Seriously.
-Mystery woman apprently not a hallucination
-Millie sneaks off to have a diet pilll...excellent
-Episode ends with Quinn, who previously admitted a fear of the vastness of the ocean, walking off into the sea. It would be awesome if she stays.

One Tree Hill - Your Cheating Heart

Let's get right into this shall we:

-Haley smacking the groupie is all over the youtubes, she is sooooooooooooooo embarrassed
-Brooke doesn't trust Alex working with Alex. Because Alex is hot and easy you see. Julian temporarily calms the crazy down by promising to knock Brooke up at some point
-Hah! Haley is actually cuffed and arrested for slapping the groupie. Good to see Tree Hill law enforcement is all over this.
-Nathan freaks out because he can't get ahold of his agent or haley's sister (who are shacking up together) and apparently he's unable to bail Haley out on his own.
-Millie wearing a t-shirt with a crayon on it is such a big hit that Brooke wants to make her a model full time...and there's that
-Apropos of nothing I love Tom Brady and his 43 fantasy points in one half
-Haley is in the tank with a couple of prostitutes and battered women- they sass her and they have a focus group about how much men cheat. This will not mess with her head in any way I'm sure
-I need to reiterate that Nathan avoids bailing Haley out until his agent shows up hours later because he is apparently incapable of doing it himself.
-Groupie chick decides to drop charges, and tells Haley Nathan was drunk that night and tells Haley to see if her number shows up on Nathan's old cell phone bills
-Alex gets naked for Julian, he freaks out and runs off on her. She can't understand why he won't sleep with her
-Millie's high powered new job as a 'model' keeps her from spending time with Mouth. He cries.
-Dan calls and tries to help Nathan - he is rebuffed for the whole killing his brother thing. These people hold grudges
-Nathan is still mad that his agent wasn't around to help bail haley out. The paparazzi descend on the Tree Hill police station to watch the perp walk.
-Oh yeah Mia's back...its so boring I have nothing to say about it
-Julian gives up on making movies because Alex won't stop trying to sleep with him. I can identify. I can't tell you how many times I've been in similar situations (except replace making films with knitting Hello Kitty purses and a hot model named Alex with a stuffed big-bird toy)
-Haley asks Nathan one more time if there's any truth to the story - he storms out
-Mouth doesn't think Millie should be a model - of course he does. Apparently going out one night means she's now a anorexic coke head.
-Alex decides to show Julian she's not stupid. I hope this means we have a spelling bee in our future.
-Nope, she wears a business suit and apologizes. He is overwhelmed by her professional attire and decides to work with her again. Again just like me
-Tom brady is up to 51 points - considering becoming a patriots fan. Of course this means Matt ryan will go for 35 points and I'll lose because Brandon Jacobs decided to suck this week (or really this season)
-Nathan holds a full on press conference with Haley to explain himself to a rapt press corp (I believe there were more reporters for this than when Obama was inaugurated)
-Millie decides to be a model - I hope this leads to mouth skipping town and Millie to get a tattoo
-Episode ends with Haley looking through old cell phone bills and finding the groupies number.
-Wait episode really ends with Dan walking up to groupie and telling her he has a proposition for her. He then bites down on a stick of licorice in a sinister manner. You think I'm kidding.

Wayne Shorter Quartet

I didn't go into this concert with the optimal mindset. I didn't sleep well the night before and I had knocked out a hard ten mile run in the morning, so I was dragging all day and was afraid I'd have difficulty focusing. I needn't have worried. This was one of the most enthralling concert experiences I've ever had. The band came on stage at 8:05 and without saying a word proceeded to play for an hour straight, pause thirty seconds for applause, knock out another 45 minutes, and then follow up with a ten minute encore (all without saying one word). The energy level throughout was electric, and more importantly a sense of joy emanated from the players and you got the impression that they enjoyed playing with eachother as much as the audience enjoyed hearing them. Really the concert felt like watching an intimate session or rehearsal rather than a full on concert. I don't mean that it wasn't tight, but rather the interplay felt relaxed and intimate rather than the formality you might expect in a concert hall. This is an obvious tribute to the talents of the individual band members (Wayne Shorter, John Patattucci, Danilo Perez, and Brian Blade) and, speaking as a thoroughly mediocre jazz drummer, I only wish I could exhibit the same sense of feel and energy.

What was even more impressive was that the playing was virtuostic, and not at all straight ahead, they kept it accessible enough that even someone not well versed in jazz couldn't help be swept up in the overall vibe. Really the biggest compliment I can give the group is that its the kind of group I would love to play in. Mot necessarily because of the level of musicianship (though that is awesome), but because it would just be fun.

Zombieland

This wasn't an incredibly deep movie, but it was one of the more entertaining 90 minutes I've seen in a theater recently. The film takes place in a post apocalyptic world where a virus has turned everyone into zombies. The protagonist, played by Jesse Eisenberg, is one of the few remaining unaffected people, and he survives by acting much like Woody Allen would if trapped in a world full of Zombies (somebody else's description but its apt). He eventually joins forces Woody Harrelson, a mildly crazy redneck who lives solely to kill as many zombies as possible (and find the last remaining Twinkie). After they hook up with a pair of grifter sisters and the whole group drives off to california because...it doesn't really matter.

The best way to describe the film (again I'm stealing this from someone else) is Midnight Run with zombies. It has a relaxed vibe and low key charm which pushes the proceedings go by in an agreeable manner. The film also features one of the best cameos I've ever seen, and I would do everything possible to avoid learning about it before going in.

Anyway, its not quite up to the level of Shaun of the Dead, but Zombieland succeeded in making laugh, and if you can't enjoy Woddy Harrelson killing zombies while wearing an alligator skin coat and Cowboy hat (yes the hat is also made out of gator skin - probably Tebow), well then I don't want to know you.

The Invention of Lying

This review is going to sound much more negative than I intend it to be. On the other hand-who cares? I'm not exactly Mr. Sunshine to begin with, and you all know what you're going to get here. A real unvarnished look at the eternal heartbreak of the human condition. If that's too real for you, too bad. That's how I roll.

Anyway, Invention follows the very funny (I really mean that, not like late night hosts who introduce comedians they've never heard of use that description. I mean the fact that its been applied to Carlos Mencia shows they're a bunch of damn liars) Ricky Gervais, in an alternate reality where nobody in the world is capable of lying. Ricky's character gets into a bit of a jam with his finances and in a moment of inspiration he...introduces the idea of falsehoods (see I can restate titles to make it sound like I have an original thought). Being the only man in the world who can lie leads to some predictable developments - he gets lots of money, writes the greatest screenplay in the world, and invents religion before focusing his attention on wooing Jennifer Garner. The film has its fair share of funny sequences (I particularly enjoyed the bits about the film industry) but its one note premise eventually runs out of steam, and when it tries to introduce some real emotion into the third act I didn't really care that much. The film also is a bit lazy in its execution which mutes some of its comedic potential. There are at two extended montage sequences (always a shorthand for creative sloth) that I could've done without, and the film goes absolutely nuts with cameos that are not only distracting but feel like they makers were saying "This but may not be inherently funny on its own, but look there's Jason Bateman! You liked him in Arrested Development, laugh now!" I'm not your monkey, I laugh when I want to.

Like I said at the outset all that hostility makes it sound like I hated the film, which I didn't. Its moderately amusing, and doesn't overstay its welcome. Still it doesn't fully capitalize on the talent involved to rise above anything more than a mildly diverting comedy. I hope Ricky Gervais can find something better to do with his talents the next time out.

In the loop

This UK Comedy follows a particularly hapless minister of parliment as his speaking mistakes (and general cluelessnes) end up putting him in the middle of a run up to an unidentified invasion (that is obviously Iraq). The film goes back and forth between London and Washington as the situation gets increasingly insane and it becomes obvious that the truth isn't really that important when it comes to starting a war. I don't really want to get into the larger political satire because even though its funny its the least interesting part of the film. Where the film excels is in its portrayal of bureaucracy and how most of its members are myopically focused on keeping their jobs with no real regard to the consequences of their actions. It similar to The Office in the sense that the humor is derived from the basic malaise of people stuck in job's they really don't like. Of course what really helps is that the dialogue is freaking hilarious. The script exhibits some of the most creative use of profanity I've ever heard (really, to paraphrase A Christmas story, a tapestry of vulgarity is woven that is stunning in its intircateness), and rather than refer to each other by name all of the characters use increasingly insulting nicknames. The most entertaining purveyor of this by far is the character played by Peter Capaldi. He's like Sawyer from Lost crossed with Denis Leary, in that he constantly belittles and attacks every around him with increasing amounts venom. Anyway In the Loop is worth seeing for the dialogue alone, and I'll finish by leaving you with a few choice bits (warning this may be offensive to individuals who find copious amounts of profanity offensive):

"Climbing the mountain of conflict"? You sounded like a Nazi Julie Andrews!

You know they're all kids in Washington? It's like Bugsy Malone, but with real guns.

You think that's his real name? Iceman? To Mr. and Mrs. Man, a son... Ice?

Oh, great. Meeting my constituents. It's like being Simon Cowell, only without the ability to say, "Fuck off, you're mental".

I can't stand to see a woman bleed from the mouth. It reminds me of that Country & Western music which I cannot abide.

SHUT IT, Love Actually! You want me to hole-punch your face?

You're like the woman from The Omen. You've given birth to a demon, and now it's gonna kill you.

Was it you, the baby from Eraserhead?
Then it must have been you, the woman from The Crying Game.

Oh, you know me, Malc. Kid gloves... but made from real kids. Right, Butch and Gaydance, this wall story is playing badly. There's a cartoon of you in here as a walrus.

Hey, you! Ron Weasley, you do it.

Well, I don't want to be accused of micro-managing, but I cannot understand why "I Heart Huckabees" is on a list of DVDs considered suitable for armed-forces entertainment. That self-indulgent crap is not suitable for combat troops. [Ed Note: I disagree]

Its even better in context.

One Tree Hill - Believe Me I'm Lying

Alright I realize this is three one tree hill posts in a row, but I haven't had time to see anything else. That'll change this weekend...maybe.

-Nathan is so worked up by his groupie scandal that he stopped working out. Apparently there's a chance he won't be signed because of this potential paternity suit. This disconnect from the reality of the NBA never ceases to amuse me.
-They have Jaime choose three different cereals before Haley lets him have one. I counted four different logos.
-I need to become the hair gel provider for this show. Julian and the guy who plays Nathan's agent Clay must easily go through five cans a day.
-Nathan's work outs consist of bench pressing in his backyard while his agent counts. I'm sure David Falk does the same thing
-Haley buys all the copies of the national informer (apparently the enquirer wouldn't pony up) in Tree Hill once the scandal breaks. Apparently the internet doesn't exist in there. However the other seven year olds have access to newstands as they read the story to jaime in the park to taunt him. No Joke one says, "My Mom says they wouldn't put this in if it wasn't true. You're dad's screwed"
-Haley's sister still won't say why she walked out on her seemingly normal husband (other than some nonsense about her changing and he didn't). I'm pulling for him to have been murdering drifters in his spare time. Or she's just a crazy irrational chick. In this show I'm not sure which is more likely.
-Just flipped to full screen mode. Apparently One Tree Hill finally shifted to HD. I guess that's what a 1 share on Monday nights will get you
-The promo for next week shows Haley being arrested for Assault and Battery. I hope she beat up Mouth and Milly...or Jaime (that's right I made a child abuse joke)
-Wow a model cattier than Alex (named McKenna) and insults Milly and Alex. Alex retaliates by giving the model a Limbaugh sized dose of what I assume to be Oxycontin. Forcing somebody into an overdose...well played
-So Haley's sister's issue with her husband is that two years ago they decided not to impulsively move across the country because a better opportunity would open up where they were in the near future (which it did). She said she was fine with that decision then but the person she is now wouldn't have made it because she regrets not having used those two years to screw around. Since she says her husband now would still make the former decision (even though he says he's totally open to change) she asks for a divorce. Women are crazy
-Alex gets Milly to model in the fashion show to help her self esteem and get back at mean model McKenna, oooh the slutty rehabbing model/actress isn't all bad...maybe even has a heart of gold
-Wow the fashion show features a performance by a band called the Noisettes, and would you look at that, I can apparently buy their album 'Don't Upset The Rhythm.' Can an appearance on the Starburst Summer concert tour be far behind?
-Haley ironed her hair straight to attend the fashion show. Bold Choice
-Brooke has moment of inspiration and has Millie walk out in a wife beater on which she writes with a magic marker 'Zero is not a size' which the crowd finds to be the height of daring fashion. Also the fact that her fashion line is for 'normal' sized women strikes every one as cutting edge (which apparently is evidenced by the fact that the show featured 9 traditional models and one actress who was a size 1 instead of zero)
-The Noisettes are back
-Mouth refuses to read the story of Nathan's 'affair' on the air and is fired. Suuuure
-Apparently Millie was supposed only appear in one episode but they loved her so much that they asked her back. Can we go back to the whole only appearing in one episode thing?
-Clay punches out Quinn's drunk (understandably so) husband, then turns down Alex's advances because now that he knows Quinn is available. I mean why wouldn't he turn down the hot model to go after the crazy unreasonable recently separated chick?
-The closing scene features the Noisettes 'Sometimes'
-Quinn drives off with Clay in fron tof her husband just to really stick it to him
-Have you heard of this band the Noisettes? I guess they have some buzz around them
-The groupie confronts Haley in front of the papparazzi and gets slapped. Really, that's what's considered assault and battery? Lucky Shawn Merriman wasn't around

And we're done, some good moments but this season has yet to really approach the greatness I know the show is capable of. Come on guys, get it together

One Tree Hill - Hold My Hand as I'm lowered

Well tonight we're getting a special live viewing of this illustrious program. Why would I pass up on the opportunity to watch it in a fifteen minute shorter increment and without helpful side ads and factoids, you ask? Because screw you that's why. I don't have to explain myself.

-I'm beginning to think that missing the premier may have been a big deal. It appears that One Tree Hill is taking a page from Mad Men's play book and jumping ahead a few years every season. This may also be the last time One Tree Hill is compared to Mad Men (but it shouldn't be)
-We open with Haley looking at the sonogram and pictures of Nathan with a groupie at the party...waiting for the measured conversation where they discuss this maturely and rationally
-Nathan: You Know I didn't do anything right
Haley: You have your arm around here
Nathan: I get asked to pictures with a lot of people
Haley: You should be smart enough to know better (storms off)
Yeah, that's about right
-Dan gets called a murderer on his TV show since, you know, he killed his brother. Seems like a fair point. You'd think this may have come up before since he actually did time for the crime.
-I was wrong Dan's wife isn't the crazy nanny who kidnapped Jaime last season, its the crazy former heroin addicted model who tried to hook up with mouth last season. My Mistake
-Mouth leaves a lizard in the bathroom to scare skills. He calls Jaime (five year old) to help catch it - sound thinking there
-Groupie asks for $200K to go away. Nathan doesn't understand why she would do this. I mean its so unlikely that a woman would try to get extort money from an NBA star. Also according to his agent the Charlotte Bobcats won't re-sign him (to a $20million contract) if there are allegations about him having an illegitimate child, not to mention all the sponsors who will drop him. I guess its a good thing that Shawn Kemp never wanted to play for the Bobcats. But seriously, I love how this show still exists in a universe where a shooting guard worth $20 million dollars would have his career derailed by adultery accusations. The worst thing that happened to Kobe when he was accused of rape was that Nutella dropped him as an endorser
-Brooke has a photo shoot with the crazy (recurring theme here) model who wants to get a piece of Julian. As usual the world class photographer is 22, keeping the show's trend of having all jobs performed by people under 25
-We then have an extended photo shoot montage - odds of there being a cross over promotion? High. Mayve this one can be brought to us by Skittles
-Dan's Motto: When you stand in the light - you get yourself right. Catchy
-We have a flashback to how Dan met Rachel - at a strip club where she doubled as a prostitute. But like I have to tell you that
-Haley actually seems relatively restrained about this, and then takes out her aggression on the agent for proposing that Nathan pay off the groupie. I knew she couldn't keep it in
-Jaime catches the lizard and names it Percy - this kid is going to get beat up repeatedly.
-Ahhh, Jaime gets Skills to admit that he's afraid of moving in with his girlfriend. I know he's the only black guy in town so everyone hates him, but there has to be more people he can talk to
-I'm serioulsy considering getting a Faux Hawk
-Haley crashes Brooke's photo shoot and starts crying

-My head almost just exploded. One Tree Hill's Kate Voegle (Mia) just did a commercial for University of Phoenix. Because all 19 year old rock stars take on-line accounting classes when they're on the road. There's even a shot of her staring at a laptop while sitting on a hotel bed. Must have been between stops on the Starburst Summer Concert Tour. I am so happy right now
-Haley bitches to Brooke and her sister about the whole thing with the groupie. They still think this is going to screw up his contract and they don't know how they can explain this to the kid. Here's a suggestion:
Haley and Nathan: Jaime this woman is lying, and we'll prove it
Jaime: Ok
-Turns out Rachel hired the guy in the crowd to yell at Dan in an effort to goose ratings. He's torn. Who knew the former hooker would be an opportunistic show runner
-They show an ad of a shirtless Nathan endorsing Rainbow Body spray.
-Crazy former Jukie model gives Julian a script to read. I'm sure Brooke will handle this with aplomb.
-The agent gives the groupie an empty envelope and tells her to go to hell. It. Is. On.
-We get a little slo mo as nathan walks across the backyard and sits down next to Jaime on the swingset. Seriously

I gotta say I've been a little dissapointed by this season so far. I hate to say it but I think I miss Peyton and Lucas. They were the rigth blend of self-seriousness and absolute insanity that really drove the shows genius. I'm not giving up yet though.

One Tree Hill - What are you willing to lose

Oh yeah baby we're back. As this new television season has begun and I started getting set with my viewing rotation (Parks and Recreation, The Office, Dollhouse and soon to be Chuck welcome back. Glee and Community -welcome to the party, for now) there was one show that I was anticipating more than any other which, I'm sure you figured out by the title of this post, is the glorious One Tree Hill. Before we get into another season of North Carolina goodness (mmm dry rub) I have a few programming notes. Apparently my One tree hill facebook group didn't let me know that the CW would only have the most recent episode up to watch so we're starting this off with the second episode of season seven (seriously there's already been six seasons of this). I don't think I'll have a problem jumping right in. Secondly, if I remember, I'm going to include the title of each episode in the post's title. We'll play a little game where if one of the character's says the title in the show you win a, I don't know, ticket to a box social or something. Fun for the whole family. Anyway, here we go:

-oohh, some groupie is claiming that Nathan slept with her on the road. I'm sure Haley will rationally listen to his explanation and not freak out
-Ahhh Julian's gives up a hollywood career to be with brooke. Apparently North Carolina still hasn't realized cross country flights exist. Also its apparently not okay to take off for a few weeks to shoot a movie every once in awhile. Brooke must be one needy chick.
-Nathan and his agent reenact the Rocky and Apollo beach run from Rocky III. He then freaks out and practically starts crying - Wahh I'm a highly paid NBA player and allegations of promiscuity are going to ruin my chance at a new contract. Seriously he says that. Its a new NBA.
-Skillz and Mouth try to force the other one to move out by being naked around the house all the time to freak the other out
-Dan is now a motivational speaker with a TV show and smoking hot wife, that's about right. If I'm right Dan's wife is the crazy nanny who tries to kill him last year. Stockholm syndrome anyone.
-Some mean woman with a british accent is trying to buy Peyton and Haley's record label and shut them down. Apparently having the headliner of the Starburst summer concert series is a big deal
-Julian hangs a poster of The Thin Red Line on his wall. Some writer has taste
-Brooke thinks the poster is tacky and wants it out of the living room - that's about right
-It turns out the new actress hired to be the new face of Clothes over Bros hates disabled people ("Cripples and like retarded people - They're always drooling and like smiling really wierd"), doesn't take rehab seriously, and say's north carolina is hot that it smells like the "Devil's Ass." She also says BTW, and makes up the fact that she only east organic food. Accurate portrayal of hollywood as always
-Dan tries to convince a panhandler he should believe in himself and gives him a copy of his book. called 'Scott Free Redemption' (puns are fun). If this leads to Dan becomming the Anti Christ and taking over the world I'm all for it.
-Nathan runs into a restaurant and starts screaming at his accuser - Wahhh - WHy are you doing this to me!?. That always works
-The crazy actress ends up calling Brooke fat and not getting a 'That's what she said' joke. Wow portraying a hollywood actress as vapid and condescending who won't wear purple because she has a childhood fear of Barney. Well-played One Tree Hill.
-Jaime buried Skillz and Lauren in the sand, so they couldn't get out and they ended up getting burned when he forgot about them. Seriously a seven year old was able to fully bury two grown adults in the sand and completely debilitate them.
-Oh snap, Mia rolls in and says the mean british girl will lose her biggest selling artist if she doesn't keep the label open. That's right you don't mess with a myspace headliner
-The mean actress talks her way back into Brooke's good graces by claiming one of her dresses saved her after rehab (seriously, some crap about how it gave her dignity) - Brooke and Milly of course fall for it and agree to keep her on board (and pay her $500K)
-Uh oh the groupie has pictures what could they be????
-Mia's bluff works, and Haley and the mean English lady make up. And she says Haley has to record an album in six months if she wants to keep the label open. I smell cross promotion.
-Brooke tells off Julian's mean movie producer dad for being a bad father.
-Julian's dad was too busy 'Caring for fictional characters instead of caring for the real ones in his life.' He's proud of Julian for ignoring cross country air travel, and living his own life. 'And Whatever you do don't be like me.' You know, shave or be successful.
-Apparently the groupie claims to have hooked up with Nathan at a party where he celebrated scoring 35 points against Memphis (that warrants celebration?) which was three months earlier. It turns out she gave the agent a picture of a sonogram which he expertly interprets as showing that she's three months pregnant. Apparently they got really drunk so the agent thinks maybe something did happen. What a turncoat
-Nice, the speech the actress gave to brooke about her dress was lifted from a film. Brooke doesn't notice because she's too busy jumping Julian's bones.
-Episode ends with Nathan about to tell Haley something important...I'm sure this will go well.

Man I'm glad this show is back

Extract

I'm a huge fan of Mike Judge's earlier live action work (Office Space, Idiocracy) so I was looking forward to seeing Extract. However, I think my love of the earlier work caused me to feel somewhat disappointed by Extract. The former films had specific satirical targets they were aiming at and, while they had devastatingly accurate portrayals of the mind-dumbing banality of everyday existence, existed in a kind of hyper reality (particularly in the case of Idiocracy) which allowed them to pointedly skewer their intended victims. Extract on the other hand is more of an observational character study that didn't appear, at least on first viewing, to have any particular satirical aim. The shift in tone really threw me as I kept waiting for it to change into something more akin to Judge's other work and as a result I hesitate to pass final judgement until I see it again, hopefully able to better evaluate it on its own merits.

That said the film has an affable charm, and Jason Bateman (playing a variation of his character from Arrested Development - not a bad thing) makes an engaging lead presence. I do think the film suffers from a lack of focus, and there are several story elements (in particular Gene Simmon's character, and how the film deals with the subplot revolving around Mila Kunis) that at best feel thin, and at worst don't work at all. At the moment I would say while the film is worth watching, and did cause to me laugh out loud at times, its probably the weakest of Judge's three films to date. Still for aforementioned reasons I'd consider its grade an incomplete and I look forward to revisiting it in the future.

Crank

After my much professed love for Crank 2 I realized there was no possible way that I could go without seeing its forebearer. I even ended up making a spur of the moment four for twenty purchase after seeing it in the Blockbuster used rack (this unfortunately also resulted in me picking up the putrid Aeon Flux to fill out the four). Anyway for Crank's sake I wish I would have watched it before seeing the sequel. Don't get me wrong Crank is entertaining but it just doesn't compare to the inspired insanity of its successor. It would be akin to seeing Godfather II before the Godfather, Toy Story II before Toy Story, Army of Darkness before Evil Dead, or Leprechaun 5: Leprechaun in the Hood before Leprechaun - the earlier films all have there charms, and may be in themselves fine works, but if you've first seen the genius of their successors there's no way that they can't feel but a little disappointing. They were all necessary to let the filmmakers start developing ideas, but the sequels are where the true genius inherent in the stories is manifested.

In the case of Crank too much time is spent developing plot and character motivation. This is a film about a guy trying to stay alive by stimulating adrenaline production in his body through increasingly crazy acts. I think we can all safely say that no more motivation is needed. Crank 2 wisely ignores this and just concentrates on ratcheting up the insanity until it approaches a surrealistic masterpiece. I am glad I saw Crank as it increased my appreciation of the inspired sociopathic nature in Crank 2 as well my admiration of its creators' maturation.

Note: I am very jealous of Jason Statham's ability to grow a heroic five o'clock shadow. The best I can do is grow in some scraggly looking hippy beard (and you better believe that I do), but I feel like if I could such impressive looking facial hair my street cred would go up exponentially, and I might quite possibly approach competence as a dresser and a lover.

District 9

I had more to say about this when I saw it a week and a half ago, but stuff kept getting in the way and, whatever you don't care. Anyway I found the film to be a clever sc-fi film that kept me entertained, and exhibited a nice, but subtle, sense of humor. I've been a little surprised at how a certain segment of the critical community has turned on the film for reasons that I can best summarize as this: 'The film doesn't stay true to its gritty potential and descends in to the typical chaos of summer blockbusters.'
This is a completely ridiculous sentiment. I mean the film is about aliens landing in South Africa so we shouldn't be shocked at an explosion or six interrupting the proceedings. If anything it manages to balance action and plot in an entertaining manner, and even exhibits a decent level of intelligence (which is pretty impressive considering it involves a pig being used as a weapon) throughout the proceedings. Anyway this a tightly constructed action film, that manages to have a coherent plot and sly sense of humor. So you could say I liked it. (It so tough to write these positive reviews, I need watch something that sucks soon).

Aeon Flux

Without a doubt in all the random titles I've picked up in my 4 for $20 runs at blockbuster this is most definitely the worst. The film is a scant ninety minutes long but I was completely bored within the first fifteen. It basically takes all the elements of films like the Matrix, and manages to make them completely uninteresting. The film takes place in a post apocalyptic world where 99% of the world's population has been killed by a virus and the survivors are living in a walled off city led by a totalitarian regime. Charlize Theron stars as the titular Aeon, a member of the resistance who's sent to kill the cities leader. Of course everything may not be what it seems, blah blah blah, etc. etc etc. After about a half an hour I could not have cared less what was going to happen.

The film gives off the appearance of having style when in reality it thinks that having lots of bright colors and dressing the characters in S&M esque gear qualifies as interesting (really why do all these films think that in the future we'll stop wanting to wear comfortable clothes). It also doesn't help that Charlize Theron goes through the entire film as if she's under the influence of pain killers. It would be one thing if she acted like she was high on weed, that would have at least implied a bit of personality, but in this case its like she decided sleep walking equaled bad-ass. Let me assure you that it does not. This reminds that I'm not really convinced she's that good of an actress. I know she has an Oscar and everything and I liked her in her guest spot on Arrested Development (and of course I find Mighty Joe Young to be one of the great cinematic masterpieces of all time), but man she's been in some crap (Reindeer Games, 15 minutes, In the Valley of Elah, Childrn of the Corn III). Not a Kate Hudson level of crap, but it wouldn't hurt to say no to a script occasionally.

Oh yeah I didn't even mention that Frances McDormand was in this as the leader of the resistance and she has orange hair. So that's something.

Whatever, go watch Equilibrium or the first Matrix if you want to see this kind of film done correctly. And by correctly I mean at least acheive a level of modest entertainment.

Inglourious Basterds

I've always liked Quentin Tarantino. Say what you want about the guys style, he has a unique voice and always tries to do something interesting with whatever genre he happens to be working with whether it be a hong kong martial arts epic, a seventies style blacksploitation, or in this case a WWII film. Inglourious Basterds exhibits all of his stylistic trademarks (dialougue heavy scenes, chapter titles, and obscure cultural references) to great effect (which if you don't like Tarantino may be a bad thing) and is in general a highly entertaining movie going experience. That said I have a few thoughts:

1) The film is really extremely well cast. I'm repeating other reviews here but Christoph Walz and Melanie Laurent are particularly good as, respectively, the nazi 'Jew Hunter' and escaped jewess seeking revenge. I even enjoyed Brad Pitt's Tennessee-bred Nazi hunter who leads the squad of Basterds (his utterly ridiculous porn mustache certainly helped).

2) One of the reasons I enjoy Quentin's films is that, much like Woody Allen, he seems to revel in the spoken word. The film itself is incredibly dialogue heavy with relatively little action (especially considering its a war film featuring a nazi scalping band of American soldiers) with most of the considerable tension being generated from conversations between characters. The opening scene in particular, featuring Walz's character questioning a french farmer he suspects of harboring jews, is a master class in the slow burn and runs for a good 25 minutes during which at no point did I feel anything but increasing tension.

3) The film is incredibly entertaining, but it doesn't quite reach the level of Tarantino's best work (Kill Bill, Jackie Brown, etc). It is a bit disjointed and goes a bit crazy at the end, but the real thing holding it back is the fact that all the characters are really just sociopaths to one degree or another. Incredibly entertaining sociopaths to be sure, but sociopaths none the less. This kept me from becoming emotionally invested and as a result I didn't feel the intended impact of the climax.

4) That said Quentin pretty much throws any attempt at historical accuracy out the window and gives us the WWII he wants...and that's fine. In some ways its like Rambo II where stallone goes back and essentially re-fights the Vietnam War except it has style and is actually, you know, good. The ending goes completely insane (not necessarily a bad thing) and the film could probably stand to have dropped 15 minutes, but those are quibbles. Its still one of the most satisfying film going experiences I've had this year and I look froward to what Tarantino does next.

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Watchable if forgettable. Don't get me wrong that still puts G.I. Joe thousands of miles past Transformers but its still nothing to get excited about. The plot is pretty much what you would expect so I won't get into it (of course if you think its an independent film about gay cowboys eating pudding it may not be what you expect), and to be honest its probably better than any movie based on a line of childrens toys (even a line that I spent an inordinate amount of time with growing up...shut up) has any right to be. There are some nice set pieces, and it generally keeps moving along at a reasonable pace. The biggest drawback is that the ostensible Protagonist, Duke, is played by Channing Tatum like he thinks he's in Platoon (though with less acting ability than Charlie Sheen). This is not the recommended approach for an over the top summer blockbuster that features characters named Sgt. Slaughter, Destro, Ripcord, and Cobra Commander (among others). This problem extends to the rest of the Joes (including Dennis Quaid, Rachel Nichols, and Marlon Wayans who yes I know was in Requiem for Dream but hasn't really done anything worthwhile since then. If Kate Hudson didn't exist there would be no better example of an actor who keeps getting credit for one good film even though the rest of the filmography is a disaster), whereas Cobra is not only better cast (Christopher Eccleston, Sienna Miller, and Joseph Gordon Levitt) but they seem to realize the level of ridiculousness that characterizes this type of film and go suitably over the top in their portrayals. Had they 'good guys' actually reflected this sense of fun and ridiculousness the film might have actually ended up being a better than average summer blockbuster or at least a fair amount of fun.

Funny People

You know how everybody complains that directors/writers/producers don't get enough freedom, and that studio's are inhibiting them by forcing a some arbitrary set of rules (ie. running time) on their creative vision? I'm beginning to think the criticism is unwarranted. In general when you see a creation where the creative force is allowed to do whatever he wants the result ends up unwieldy at best (Synechode, NY) or a fiasco at worst (Heaven's Gate). I think there has to be some tension and sacrifice in the creative process otherwise the final product is bloated with every idea that the creator ever had since they never have to sit down and make any real choices. Funny People is this type of film. Judd Apatow has become such a money making machine that the studio's will pretty much let him do whatever he wants, and Funny People is the manifestation of all the themes and Apatowism's (good and bad) that have populated his prior work. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing fact that he was completely unfettered this time out meant that we just got more of everything and which gets really draining after awhile. Think the first cameo (Andy Dick) is funny? Here's twenty five more. Like the first standup routine? How about another 1/2 an hours worth (actually this is the aspect I liked the most, but after awhile even it became draining). No subplot is left unintroduced, no avenue unexplored, and eventually the whole thing becomes a bit of a mess. I definitely feel like there's a good film trapped in here, the excess just needs to be trimmed away to find it.

Now I'm going to say something positive (shocking I know). Even with all of the aforementioned problems I would rather see a film like this than much of what else is playing these days (cough...transformers...cough). This film at least is the manifestation of a talented artists quest to make an engaging piece of work, and it didn't bore me and even had some memorable moments. Even though it ends up jumping the rails and being undone by its excesses, at least its nice to see somebody actually trying to do something interesting even if they ultimately fail. Plus, by not being great it allows me to make snarky comments on a little read blog. So a big win for everyone.

Note: I just started watching the first season of Carnivale on DVD and if you want to talk about something that's completely original and insane this is it. So much mythology and unexplained symbolism was introduced in the first two episodes that it makes Lost seem as complex as Everybody loves Raymond. I don't know if its going to be any good but its certainly intriguing.

500 Days of Summer

Allow me to open with a little rant that is only sort of directed at this film (note: the following paragraphs may involve a little stronger language than we usually engage in here at What I'm Watching. I would like to claim its for artistic purposes, but it really has more to do with the fact that somebody a few rows behind refused to silence their super vibrating phone for the entire run time of the film and I'm still annoyed. Its was like a freaking wasp buzzing for two hours - not good times). Anyway there are a few trends evident in most romantic comedies (particularly independent ones) that are really starting to get on my nerves. First when did male protagonists in all these films become, for lack of a better term, whiny little bitches? Its seems like every other film these days features some emo sissy boy who falls madly in love with an annoyingly unique woman that can't be caged and ends up dumping him at some point. This sends whiny into an emotional tailspin that he can only apparently cope with by getting plastered, laying around his apartment for weeks, grow previously unseen facial hair, and generally acting like he's just experienced 9/11, the sinking of the titanic, and involuntary castration all at once. I mean seriously- man up. I know being the heartless bastard that I am that I can't fully appreciate what it feels like to be emotionally broken, but come on. I refuse to believe that you can't continue to function like a relatively normal human being while dealing with emotional issues (I find heroin to be particularly helpful). I don't think these guys should be all John Wayne and go out and plow the next thing that looks at them, but I'd like to see a little self respect. This leads me into my next complaint which that our protaganists are always a creative butterfly trapped in a soul crushing job (which generally requires the wearing of a tie) for no apparent reason, but its takes getting their heart ripped out for them to get their shit together and go do something they don't actually hate with their entire being (like being, I don't know, a puppy salesman that markets exclusively to paraplegics). Hey Hollywood how's this for an original idea? Guy realizes that he needs to so something else with his life and mixes in a few night classes without having to have his balls ripped off by some borderline sociopathic indie-rock listening she-devil. You think that might work doctor? Anyway the last issue I feel like mentioning has already been covered by The Onion AV Club so I'll just send you over there to read about Manic Pixie Dream Girls.

All that aside I actually found 500 days of summer to be fairly watchable. Oh it has all of the elements that I mentioned above, but manages to keep them at (mostly) tolerable levels. The two leads (Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zoey Deschanel who I still can't decide if I find her attractive or not) are actors that I generally like and they maintain a nice easy chemistry for much of the film. I also liked that the film resolves the issue about whether they'll get back together right at the beginning, and rather spends its time using flashbacks to document what went right and wrong in the relationship. It also incorporates some nice whimsical fantasy interludes (like a musical number) that generally work and add to the proceedings. Its not perfect (of course, remember I hate everything). Like a lot of films in this genre its a little too pleased with how clever it thinks it is, and features some characters that only exist in the minds of people who don't actually pay attention to how reality works (like the ten year old sister who gives advice like she's freaking Dr. Phil). However my biggest problem with it has to do with how Los Angeles is portrayed. If you watched this film you'd think that everybody gets around the city by utilizing a mass transit system that not only gets you where you want to go with minimal fuss, but is a fun and exciting way of doing it. This is complete and utter nonsense. Nobody who can possibly help it takes mass transit in LA. The subway is nice in theory but it rarely goes anywhere useful (like say - THE FUCKING AIRPORT!!!!) and if you don't live within walking distance of a stop you have to take a bus which means at least another hour of travel even if you're going a few miles. Nobody in their right mind would engage in this on a regular basis if they could possibly help it, yet this film makes it seem like getting around the greater Los Angeles is as simple as Manhattan (do not be fooled). So yeah, the film's not bad but still succumbs to some annoying cliches.