Angels and Demons

Okay I'm going to put off two other reviews to break into this one. I'm back in the old hometown this week and as a result the selection of films available for viewing is limited to say the least. As a result when my dad wanted to go see something our options were pretty much I love You beth Cooper (No), Transformers II (Hell No) and Angels and Demons (Why God Why?). Since he had read the book we decided to go to the latter even though The Da Vinci Code goes down as possibly the most boring film I've seen in the last five years. Angels and Demons might exceed that admittedly low bar, but only just. I don't really want to get into the plot (it involves the death of a Pope, the Illuminati, and god help us an Anti-Matter Bomb) because if you care you've already seen he movie and if you don't it doesn't matter. Rather let me give you five reasons why this is one of the few times I actually felt stupider upon leaving the theatre:

1) The film is criminally boring. For a story that centers around the murder of four cardinals by an ancient organization as well as the potential annihilation of the Vatican City, there was surprisingly little tension (and by little I mean none). The entire film can be summarized as such:

Run down hallways breathlessly while Tom Hanks' character spouts some encyclopedic fact about catholic lore
Be just a little too late
Let Hanks look around a little bit
Have him say 'the statue is pointing that way'
Repeat

Seriously its like the filmmakers thought 'Hey if we have everyone run while talking it will give the impression that something is happening.' They failed. I can't remember one time where I cared about what was going to happen or surprised by any development. Not a good sign for a thriller.

2) Did I mention how boring it was? The film has absolutely no energy, and the whole thing just feels like a mechanical exercise to get from point A to point B, with some exposition about catholic history thrown in. I realize that the plot is based on some sort of complex historical back story (cue wanking motion) but does that mean the whole thing has to feel like reading the world's most badly written history book? I really hate to do this but this film is going to make me say something nice about the Natural treasure films. Like Angels and Demons those films were based on some 'intricate' pseudo-history and involved a lot of exposition, but at least they had a bit of energy and exhibited something of a pulse in their execution. Now this is probably due to the fact that Nic Cage may be insane, but still it least it felt like something was happening (even though it wasn't).

3) Speaking of Nic Cage I would have loved to see him take on the character of Robert Langdon. As it is Hanks plays him as being kind of a douche, and definitely not somebody you'd want to spend any time with. The guy spends the whole film with the same stoic expression and delivers his (voluminous) exposition (while running remember) at every moment. Seriously I could see asking him if he wants a drink and getting back a few thousand words about how Catholic Church's treatment from Galileo. He's definitely the kind of guy who couldn't go seven sentences without saying he teaches at Harvard.

4) The film tries to introduce a debate about the relationship between science and religion and fails spectacularly. The only real debate is essentially this exchange between two protesters:

Science guy: Don't Block stem cell research!
Church Guy (old grandma with a babushka): Don't play god!
(they shove each other)

So yeah a real subtle and intelligent consideration of an important world issue. I mean seriously when you're making a pulp film that is already overburdened with heavy handed exposition don't try to make a political statement.

5) I don't even want to get into the bad guys plan because it makes no sense, and the motivation given is weak. Just trust me this thing is boring, stay away. There's not even any unintentional comedy (which I can appreciate) to hang onto. Its really just a colossal misfire by people that should know better.