GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Watchable if forgettable. Don't get me wrong that still puts G.I. Joe thousands of miles past Transformers but its still nothing to get excited about. The plot is pretty much what you would expect so I won't get into it (of course if you think its an independent film about gay cowboys eating pudding it may not be what you expect), and to be honest its probably better than any movie based on a line of childrens toys (even a line that I spent an inordinate amount of time with growing up...shut up) has any right to be. There are some nice set pieces, and it generally keeps moving along at a reasonable pace. The biggest drawback is that the ostensible Protagonist, Duke, is played by Channing Tatum like he thinks he's in Platoon (though with less acting ability than Charlie Sheen). This is not the recommended approach for an over the top summer blockbuster that features characters named Sgt. Slaughter, Destro, Ripcord, and Cobra Commander (among others). This problem extends to the rest of the Joes (including Dennis Quaid, Rachel Nichols, and Marlon Wayans who yes I know was in Requiem for Dream but hasn't really done anything worthwhile since then. If Kate Hudson didn't exist there would be no better example of an actor who keeps getting credit for one good film even though the rest of the filmography is a disaster), whereas Cobra is not only better cast (Christopher Eccleston, Sienna Miller, and Joseph Gordon Levitt) but they seem to realize the level of ridiculousness that characterizes this type of film and go suitably over the top in their portrayals. Had they 'good guys' actually reflected this sense of fun and ridiculousness the film might have actually ended up being a better than average summer blockbuster or at least a fair amount of fun.