One Tree Hill: The Last Day of Our Acquaintance

Wow the last Tree Hill until April 19th, I may not make it that long. Plus the title of the the episode is filled with such wonderful ambiguity. What does the last day mean? Is someone going to die? Or maybe just get a bad case of amnesia? And Whose Acquaintance? Brooke and Julian? But they were so much more than acquaintances! Maybe the episode is going to be about a fight between Nathan and the pool guy. Oh One Tree Hill consider my interest piqued.

-Brooke takes out her anger at Julian by screwing up the costuming for the film. Rather than firing her on the spot Julian just gets all whiny and walks away.

-Nathan and Haley find her mom's funeral arrangements just lying around, get mopey, and then immediately they find her passed out on the kitchen floor. Could this be the acquaintance that's ending?????

-The CW is TV to talk about, which I guess I'm doing now. That's good marketing.

-Clay starts recruiting a tennis player who is played by the actress who played his dead wife, nothing creepy about that.

-The CW is now throwing three commercials in each break. How dare they screw up my free online viewing with more ads.

-Third sister (remember the one who'd slept with the other two's husbands) still refuses to go see her dying mother. Odds that she turns up at the last minute in a montage set to a power ballad?

-I swear to god if the majority of this episode is devoted to the incredibly boring experience of the mom dying I won't watch this show again until after April 19th. Do I really need to hear an incredibly tedious story about Nat King Cole and Chicken Dumpling soup (which Haley makes her mom write down with her dying breath), just die already.

-Jaime's spending the day with Chester the morbidly obsese rabbit. To distract him from dying Grandma Nathan decides to kill chester and eat him in front of Jaime. Now that's good parenting.

-It turns out that Jaime wouldn't have had Chester if it wasn't for grandma:

Nathan: Didn't your mom and I buy you Chester?

Jaime: Grandma taught me to wish upon the star

Nathan: And you wished for Chester (the morbidly obese rabbit)? *Subtext Added

Jaime: Wouldn't you?

Well then

-Brooke hears Alex talking about having sex with who she assumes to be Julian, gets mad, and punches her in the face. On set,. Right before a scene is set to shoot. This finally causes Julian to fire her. Bout time, she had better job security than a government employee (da duh da da da dut duh).

-Uh Oh, Brooke found out that Alex had been sleeping with Alexander and not Julian. She feels foolish. Though apparently a black eye is enough to shut down a $50K a day movie shoot. So its possible for hollywood to get remove Angelina Jolie's thousand gallons of tatoo ink, but can't handle a shiner? If this is all it takes to shut down film production that just gives me another reason to punch Kate Hudson in the face.

-Pshyco tennis player googles Clay and finds out that she's a dead ringer for his dead ex wife (that's a lot of dead). Rather than causing her to feel some sympathy for him, it just makes her more attracted.

-I really can't take much more fortune cookie wisdom from dying mom. Its poorly written even for this show.

-In the upset of the century daughter number three shows up at the hospital. Maybe this means mom can finally die.

-Taylor reminds the mom of herself. So the mom also slept with her sisters' husbands? Go mom.

-HAHAHAHA, 'definitely not gay' fashion designer Alexander was also sleeping with Brooke's mom. That is range. Maybe this is the acquaintance that's ending.

-The sisterhood of the traveling borings (see what I did there) has a cathartic moment at mom's deathbed.

-Julian immediately takes Brooke back because her psychotic nature can be explained by her irrationally intense love for him. Good call there chief. I guess this acquaintance will not be ending.

-Alexander tells Victoria he likes her alot, so she slaps him and takes him back. I guess this acquaintance isn't ending either.

-Since Alexander didn't show up, Alex goes to her meathead costars room to have some anger sex. But of course, she doesn't notice the open laptop and camera he has positioned RIGHT NEXT TO THE BED. This isn't going to end well.

-Finally the mom is dead. If somebody read that last sentence in isolation it could make for an interesting interpretation (well that could be for a lot of reasons).

-Just as Lauren decides she wants Mouth's..mouth, Skillz walks back into the house (thus restoring the minority quota on the show). Could this be the fated Acquaintance?

-Show ends with psycho tennis player dying her hair to look like Clay's ex wife and saying that she's going to get him. Yeah this will go well, we haven't had a fatal attraction story line in a good season and a half.