-Great we begin with a Jaime voice-over. Maybe its from beyond the grave. That would be awesome.
-Jaime decides he wants to walk to the river court by himself. Nathan in a solid parenting move decides to let him. Maybe this will lead to the beyond the grave voice-over we're hoping for.
-Brooke wakes Julian up to show him that the baby is beginning to show. He says she's just fat and then slaps her.
-So our opening narrative device is to to cut to each of the main couples and have the couple in the new scene use a variation of the closing line from the previous scene. (I'm actually overstating this, I think it only happened twice, which is plenty).
-Jaime and his girlfriend have swapped one shoelace so he's walking around with a girlie lace. My boy chuck mocks him so he puts his regular lace back in and then totally brushes off his girl Madison at school. Oh Snap. Men, they're all the same.
-First commercial break and still no minorities. I'm counting on at least one Q flashback to meet our quota of one per every three episodes.
-We jump ahead 3.5 months during one break, this shown by Brooke drawing her stomach on the wall and writing 3.5 months. For a show that once jumped ahead four years between seasons this is nothing.
-Apparently Julian finished his film and the reviews are in. Of course everybody loves it - the key quote: "A gentle voice that cuts through the white noise of modern film-making." I guess they were reading the review from Mr Skin.com.
-Mouth and Millie now somehow have a morning show called "Mouth and Millie in the morning." Its as bad as you would think. Seriously it makes Good Morning America look watchable.
-Madison gets all passive aggressive with Jaime and takes out her matching shoelace as well. He slaps her.
-The fact that CWtv.com runs three minutes of commercials during each break severely reduce the likelihood of me continuing this for season 9. I mean if I wanted to devote an hour of my life to this show I'd watch it live for gods sake.
-Well Brooke and Haley's big business idea is to reopen the corner cafe. Because nothing like a coffee shop in a failing North Carolina town to replace a major clothing line.
-Bartender guy (I forget his name) is spending a year in the Air force, and receiving a letter each week from his movie star girlfriend. However he happens to see a national enquirer cover with her in a compromising position with another guy. I'm sure he'll handle this well and consider the source before making accusations.
-Brooke is having twins. Yeah!
-After the commercial break they use the stomach chart to show that we've jumped another 2.5 months in the future. I think more shows should incorporate this time-keeping technique.
-Hey everybody's favorite singer songwriter Kate Voegele just happens to be performing at Bartender guy's air base. I'm sure they just brought her back to wrap up the season and not for any other purposes. *Googles Kate Voegele* Wait she has a tour starting two weeks after this episode aired? Oh CW you sly foxes.
-Because shes so great Millie is offered a network morning gig, but she doesn't want to leave Mouth. He slaps her.
-Bartender guy's name is Chase. I thought you should know.
-Clay and Nathan are out recruiting marginal NBA prospects for their agency. They decide to sign some prospect because he's shooting hoops at 3 AM which obviously shows he has intangibles that exceed the fact he's not considered one of the top 75 players in the draft. And he's white. Of course he is.
-We come out of the next commercial break with Brooke covered in placenta and screaming to the heavens as her demon spawn wreaks havoc throughout the hospital. She then takes the scissors meant for the umbilical cord and drives it between the eyes of the bad seed who already killed the sibling. Fin.
-Just kidding stomach clock tells us we're at 7 months.
-Jaime tries to get Madison back by apologizing and giving the girle shoelace back. This works. Must try one day.
-I'm not joking about this next part - they bring Skillz back by having him wear a chicken suit and say 'aw hell no.' And thus ends the shows stab at racial balance.
-Millie decides to turn down the network job and stay with Mouth.
-Brooke is standing in heels, wearing a mini-skirt, on a stool, getting a heavy bag of flour off a top shelf and falls. This causes her to give birth (without noticing apparently) prematurely. Not a good sign for her future parenting skills. I mean seriously what 7 month pregnant woman gets on a stool and starts throwing around bags of cooking supplies?
-Aww Alex came to meet Chase a year later just where she said she would. I guess this means we jumped another five months ahead. He decides to forgive her (which given the way she looks isn't surprising).
-Nathan find's Dan working as a short order cook in some backwoods town. They have a moment and Nathan leaves. And this ends the appearance of the one cast member with any acting ability.
-I still can't get over the fact that the only appearance by the one black regular in the show's run was in a chicken suit for 1o seconds.
-Jaime's closing voice-over is unbearable (probably because he's reading from Lucas's book - which is just as unbearable as I remember).
-We get a closing montage with all the (white) characters speaking from the book which is obviously supposed to wrap up the series. Unfortunately does not end with Jaime getting hit by a train.
And we're done. I love it so much.
No comments:
Post a Comment