Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lighting thief

I'll be upfront and admit this film wasn't unwatchable, but the whole exercise just struck me as unnecessary. This material (awkward teenager who doesn't know he has mystical gifts is suddenly forced to confront his past and save the world) has been dealt with in countless other, superior, films and PJATOTLT does nothing to distinguish itself. That said while it wasn't actively terrible, it did have plenty that a petty uncreative individual like myself could make fun of. So let's turn off the no mocking sign and get started shall we:

1) For a film that's allegedly supposed to be starting a new Harry Potter-esque franchise, the production design was a surprisingly cheap looking. Throughout the film you could easily tell when actors were being blue-screened in, and most of the fight scenes looked like a community production of 'I, Claudius' complete with plastic shields and cardboard swords. This was explained when I saw the production budget was under $100 million (or the amount James Cameron spends on catering). You know its always a good idea to go cheap on effects in the age of Avatar.
2) The acting was spotty at best. I enjoyed Steve Coogan as Hades, and Joe Pantigliano being Joe Pantigliano, but the rest of the cast varied from bored (Pierce Brosnan) to 'I'm destined to appear on a lifetime original movie in the future' (the lead boy whose name I can't remember). The dialogue, which could be described as overly expository at best, really didn't help either. To Wit, let me recap the opening scene:

Zeus: Brother, why Did you steal my lighting bolt?
Poseidon: Remember we're magically barred from stealing eachother's powers
Zeus: Uhh, well your kid could have done it
Poseidon: My kid who has no idea I exist, that god's exist, or that he's related to one?
Zeus: Yeah if he doesn't give it back in two weeks there's going to be a war (Ed Note: This seems like a bit of an overreaction since we haven't actually established the kid it, particularly since Zeus had two seconds earlier accused Poseidon of the crime)
Poseidon: You better not touch him or it is on!
Zeus: Yeah?
Poseidon: Yeah
(They start making out)

You have to believe me when I say the actuality was more boring then my re-enactment. It gets somewhat better after the opener, but not much

3) Now, the dialogue clunky and obvious but its practically a David Mamet film compared to the use of musical cues, here are three particularly egregious examples:

i) Character: 'Who wants to follow me on this Highway to Hell?'
smash cut to three leads on bus with AC/DC's Highway to hell blaring in the background
ii) Character: I guess we're going to vegas
-Cue Elvis's 'A Little Less Conversation'
iii) The character's are all in a Casino and what do you know Lady Gaga's 'Poker Face' is playing (they then do a dance number).

So yeah, Scorcese's use of pop songs in Goodfella's this wasn't.

4) For a film where the main characters are children of the gods and all the myths are real, the kids are surprisingly ignorant about greek mythology (which would have been their equivalent of US history I guess). An abandoned lot full statues of mythological creatures in horrified poses? Why that wouldn't be Medusa would it? A casino called "Lotus Gardens" with waitresses feeding you 'special' lotus flowers, nah nothing suspicious there. This would be like a US public school kid not knowing that you need to watch out for whitey.

5) Finally there is a black centaur character and needless to say he has an attitude, apparently just exists to slap the lead white character on the back, hit on all the female characters, and say things like 'aight.' Or as I like to call it - Chris Tucker.

So yeah, the film wasn't unwatchable but just incredibly formulaic and generally inconsequential. Otherwise known as your Friday night (Flexes muscles and shoots off air guns)