One Tree Hill: Flightless Bird

So its been almost exactly a year since I last watched an episode of everybody's favorite North Carolina based soap opera, and when I heard that the eighth season finale (you got that right, eight sesasons...and it was supposed to be the series finale but the CW decided to re up it for another year) aired this week I felt obligated to go and watch. Of course I forgot that the CW posts a week later so it wasn't up yet. But since I had already opened the player and wasn't wearing any pants I figured I'd watch the penultimate episode to get properly acclimated.

Anyway will I be able to step a year away, or will the labyrinthian plotting prove too intricate for me? We shall see. Anyway a few predictions:

-There will be at least one baby that came out of nowhere

-At least one character will have been killed because the actor wanted to pursue 'more mature' products

-There will be a ridiculous amount of product placement

-I will see, at most, one minority

-The kid playing Jaime will have learned how to act (okay I made the last one up)

Tonights concurrent viewing is the second half of game three of the western conference finals.

And away we go:

-Brooke is pregnant (prediction 1 is good to go)

-Good god Mouth is still a sportscaster

-So the big conflict is apparently that the outdoor court that the main characters played on as kids is being turned into condos. Keep in mind this is just a single blacktop court in what looks like the middle of serious weed country. Its not like this is the venice courts we're talking about. And apparently there's some bird called the 'Snidely Whiplash' (I may be off on the name) that just happens to be conveniently living there and is endangered.

-Brooke and some of the others go to Puerto Rico for a 'photo shoot.' Budget constraints mean that they apparently stand in the lobby of a Holiday Inn express, and then show B-roll of a real resort, before cutting back to our protagonists leaping around like idiots.

-Clay's big weekend is to put on a bedazzled shirt and drink beers out of a cooler in his living room. Did I mention this took place in North Carolina?

-Nathan and a bunch of other guys camp by the basketball court so they can find they can find the endangered bird. I'm not really sure why they need to camp since the court is right in the middle of town, but whatever.

-Great, Millie is still on the show. And she's apparently a reporter. Dressed in a dog costume. Doing a report about people cleaning up after their dogs. And she has an opportunity to be a correspondent on a morning show. Actually that makes perfect sense.

-Ahh the bird is actually called the Snipey Plover. I guess its kind of clever that they gave the fake endangered bird a name with snipe in it.

-Chuck and Jaime climb into an earthmover and see the key is in it before running off. Will this come back into play later?

-Brooke doesn't want to tell her friends that she's pregnant so when they go out she dumps sushi in her purse and throws drinks over her shoulder when no one is looking. Clever Girl. Why order something else when you can engage such an intricate subterfuge? Of course the supermodel is the only who noticed her plan and immediately deduced the situation. Just like real life.

-Thunder are back to 12 down with just under 9 to play. Might be an interesting game after all. -Lauren gets drunk, strips down to her underwear and locks herself out of her room for no apparent reason. Been there.

-I forgot Brooke wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. I guess this is sort of like an immaculate conception then.

-CW online runs the same 10 second promo three times in each break. It has made me remember that this is 'TV to Talk about'

-OKC within 6

- The running joke through this episode is that Clay is wearing a sheet that makes him look like Brian Boitano. Because its those kinds of timely references that will appeal to your key 18-29 demographic.

-Quinn goes driving around the neighborhood (with the super model) near the resort and has this amazing observation:

'Sometimes it just strikes me how poverty and privilege became silent neighbors. And the world just keep going because it has to.'

I didn't realize this was going to be a very special episode. She gets over this very quickly and has the model posed with a bunch of colorful locals so she can get something a little more 'real.' I'm assuming she'll donate all proceeds to a local orphanage.

-Chuck (jaime's friend) gets mad and jumps into the earth mover destroying the campsite and clay's recliner. Rather than beating him into oblivion they try to talk about why he's angry. It ends in hugs. Good god this kid is going to become a serial killer.

-OKC down 9 with just under 4 left. I think the dream may be dead.

-The reason Chuck is mad is because his new mentor is leaving for the air force. This is particularly disturbing to him because his real dad told him he was leaving to buy Chuck a bike and then never came back (playa). Chuck then confesses that he still never learned how to ride a bike. I'm sure this will not become an issue in the future.

-Ohh, chuck's rampaging destructing uncovers a snipe nest. See kids, acting incredibly irresponsibly with construction equipment always results in good things.

-They do teach chuck to ride a bike. He then gets hit by a bus. Or not.

-Brooke was apparently going to move to New York but is staying town because of the pregnancy. Yeah they apparently don't allow children in manhattan (note to self if true we now have another reason to move to manhattan)

-Nathan tells jaime if he makes a shot the court won't be bulldozed. He of course makes it. Its going to be too bad when he loses all trust in his father after the court gets destroyed next week. I'm almost looking forward to the inevitable drug habit.

How I've missed this show, I'm definitely all in for the finale.