One Tree Hill

Oh One Tree Hill how I've missed you. Damn the CW for keeping you from me

-The Episode starts with a bang as Brooke is kicking Julian out of her bed for doing some unspeakable act. What could cause such a worldly woman such as Brooke to kick someone out of her bed? Maybe he suggested a Cleveland Steamer or a Gorilla Mask? But wait...he just said 'I Love You' and she just isn't ready to hear that. Oh you writers how dare you play with our emotions like that.
-In the great crossover department they have the most annoying five year old in the world, Jaime, say how he wants to watch Gossip Girl instead of Thomas the Tank Engine. Well Played CW.
-For approximately the five hundredth time in the last three episodes Peyton falls over clutching her stomach before a commercial break, is it the cancer they keep insinuating that she's genetically predisposed to? (please be yes please be yes). Well the show take about twenty minutes making it sound like she just had a miscarriage, but really it turns out that having the baby could kill her (somebody's in for a well adjusted childhood). Peyton of course says she's having the baby, but Lucas basically says 'hey go have an abortion, the doctor says we could lose the baby anyway, and (choking tears away) I don't want to have this child grow up without a mother.' Sounds like somebody doesn't want diaper duty! I would feel bad about making fun of the situation except I anticipate that it will be tearfully resolved by the third break.
-Peyton, actually somewhat sanely, points out that they've already survived car wrecks, gun shots, and being attacked by Psychos, why should this bother them? She then of course goes on to joke about how much 'sexy single dad tail he's going to get.' (Rim shot) Plus she says the whole point of them getting together in the first place is just to have this child. Again, somebody is going to have a screwed up childhood. And then the baby starts kicking, and Peyton says its okay to love the baby even if it kills her, because you know otherwise you could just resent him and throw whisky bottles at him.
-Should I be disturbed that the network has created a One Tree Hill Sims (TM) neighborhood to promote the show.
-Man Mouth and Milly are annoying. Just as she's about to leave forever he tries to talk her into staying by listing all the little things he's going to miss about her (including the glasses she got rid of by having Lasik), I have no idea where I've heard that before. Somehow she's able to walk away from such smoothness. Maybe gone forever? Unlikely.
-Hey I just learned that CariDee from America's Next Top Model apeared on One tree Hill, thank you CW bonus box.
-Haley is suspended for standing up for free speech and publishing a student's semi objectionable essay in the school paper, and rather than I don't knowing filing a lawsuit she decides to consider moving to charleston to be with Nathan's NBDL team. Obviously she doesn't think his career is going to advance very far. Nathan sensing he doesn't want to have the wife and kid everywhere immediately suggests that she go back on the road and sing, and oh yeah she can bring the kid along with her. Sounds like somebody misses the single life.
-Brooke: You Don't choose who you love
Julian: True, but you can choose who you open your heart to love
Brooke: What do you want me to say?
Julian: I love you too Julian
Brooke: I really like you too Julian

Oh Snap!!!

For some reason this smackdown doesn't stop loverboy from turning on the charm about how he loves her more than anything, but she still can't say she loves him. He starts crying. Wimp.

-So ten minutes left and the major relationships in the show are all at a crossroads, what will happen? I can barely contain the excitement.
-Hey Dan's heart transplant beeper is going off just when Deb says how he needs to die for their to be justice in the world. Oh Irony thy name is One Tree Hill.
- In tonights slow motion montage set to whatever band is hip with the kids this moment features: Peyton claiming she knows she won't die even though the doctors say she will, Julian walking out on brooke, and Mouth finding Millie's old glasses and looking on wistfully.

Rating out of ten: 12.5