John Carter

Here's the relevant plot points. I'm sort of fascinated by flops, and once it looked like John Carter was on that path (or as much as a film that'll probably break $150 million gross can be) I decided to check it out before it ended its run. Plus I started to hear some pushback reviews suggesting it wasn't as bad as the early word. After watching it, I guess that's true.

Now it does have problems, to wit:

-It's overly long (well over two hours)

-The script is better than the phantom menace, but probably worse than Avatar (expository at best, and sooooo self -serious)

-Taylor Kitch is incredibly miscast, though since I've yet to see him in something where I actually liked him I'm not sure what properly cast would be (Maybe the forthcoming battleship). Lets just say if Mcnulty had played the lead instead of the main bad guy I'd have been much more into it.

All that said, the action scenes are well done (you can generally follow what's going on) and it has a few nice moments. Plus when it ended with an obvious set up for a sequel I had enough interest in the characters to think I would probably check out a followup as a matinee if nothing I liked better was showing. So there you go.

Friends with kids

To get the relevant plot description read this. And really, that review also sums up how I feel about the film. It has a strong cast, with some nice moments of observation, but its depiction of marriage and kids is in some ways as cliched as something you'd see in an Adam Sandler film. Don't get me wrong I'm not exactly Mr. 'Kid's are all roses and sunshine' but I have many friends who are starting to, or already have had, kids and none of their lives are as completely ruined or chaotic as the couples portrayed in this film. Its almost cartoony at times, which is too bad because it does have elements that do recommend it. If it had been able to keep away from the shrill character dynamics, and genre required plot machinations, I think there could have really been something interesting here about being single in your late 30's. What we're left with is a well-acted, occasionally insightful, but generally problematic comedy. Which is still more than I can say about The Vow (I just assume, I never saw it. As far as you know).

One Tree Hill Update/Chronicle

I know many of you have been devastated about the lack of One Tree Hill recaps, and all I can say is that I apologize. Its a complete fail on my part, and I have no excuse for it (except for the re-emergence of my raging coke habit). Anyway I watched the last half hour of the most recent episode and boy did it not disappoint. My favorite part revolved around Clay and his long-lost son. Now we all knew that Clay's wife died about four years ago, but what was never mentioned, until this very episode, was that they had a kid as well. Why was it never mentioned (or indeed why did this fact never come up in the many conversations he had with his dead wife's hallucination)? Well apparently Clay was so broken up by his wife's death that he just immediately blocked the fact that he had a son from his memory and skipped town. Awesome. Let that sink in for a minute. Basically the writers just decided:

'Hey we need to introduce some more drama, lets give Clay a kid. But we've never mentioned this progeny before how can we get around the fact that Clay's essentially been a dead beat dad for several years? I know - traumatic amnesia, and conveniently he never sent any sort of baby photos/announcements/pleas for cash to any friends or family in that whole time as well. And his current girlfriend will just think this is all completely normal. Done'

Anyway, when he finally realizes that his kid is still around (living in institutional care) he tells the kid that he's really sorry and would like to be part of his life going forward. Well the kid, displaying the most rationality of any character in this show, says no and walks out of the room. Burn. Of course I'm sure this will lead to a three episode arc of Clay trying to buy, I mean, earn his son's affection back using some convieniently placed items from the CW's sponsors. I love this show.

Chronicle

I saw this a few weeks ago, and generally enjoyed it. I'm sort of blase about the found footage gimmick, but not as annoyed as most people seem to be. Also the last seen has one of the worst green-screened backgrounds I've ever seen. Seriously its amazingly bad. I guess the budget constraints were seriously hard and binding. That's what she said.

Haywire

I immediately left the country after seeing this (note correlation does not imply causation) so my motivation to write a lot has fallen. As always here's the onion review if you want a plot recap.

I actually enjoyed haywire quite a bit, and liked the matter of fact manner in which it was executed. In particular the fight scenes (though not completely realistic) weren't needlessly drawn out and seemed appropriately brutal. Still at this point is does seem like Soderbergh's kind of just screwing with us. First he makes a film starring a porn star that features no sex (The girlfriend experience), then a seventies style disaster film just so he can market it around Gwenyth Paltrow dying (Contagion), and now he uses a MMA star with no acting experience to make a compelling spy thriller built entirely around her (and it works). When you next consider his next project is a fictionalized account of Channing Tatum's time spent as a male stripper, it just seems like he wants to show everyone he can do whatever he wants (and once I heard that this last project will star Matthew Mcconaughey as Tatum's mentor you know its going to great) and make it work. If it came out that he was going to make etch a sketch the movie, starring snooki, and it turned out to be entertaining I wouldn't be shocked.

So yeah, go see haywire.

Tintin, and the 'Best of 2011'

Tintin is watchable if forgettable. But it did lead me to realize just what a string of mediocre films I saw this year. Really even the stuff I liked didn't really blow me away, and the film that stuck with me the most (Tree of Life) may have just been a bunch of pretentious nonsense I still can't decide. With all that said here's the 'best' of 2011 in no particular order. As always this is just based on films I saw during the calendar year not when they were released. As a result The Artist didn't have a chance not to end up on it.

Take Shelter

Midnight in Paris - I'm a Woody Allen sucker what can I say

Another Earth

Moneyball

Drive

Your Highness - This is more of a screw you to everyone who crapped on this film. Its obviously not a great work of art but it made me laugh...a lot.

Tree of Life - Like I said earlier, it may not be good, and I still can't decide if its amazing or ponderous, but it definitely caused me to think more than any other film this year so that has to count for something.

And just for the heck of it, here's the other films I saw this year that I liked enough that I might actually consider watching them again, at least as TNT saturday afternoon viewing if Ace of Cakes isn't on:

Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Parts 1&2

Drive Angry

Fast Five

Thor

Captain America

Warrior

The Muppets

X-Men first class

The Lincoln Lawyer

And just because here's the return of Wooderson.

The Artist

As promised here's the avclub review for the salient plot points.

I don't have much to say about this (famous last words). Its a generally fun little film, that's able to hold your attention even though its silent. Its definitely not the best film of the year (even though the word is its going to win), but whatever, not everything can be Crank 2.

The one thing I will say is that its got a few surprisingly dark moments - specifically two suicide attempts including one self-immolation. The second one is even played off as a joke and completely ignored by the person who saw the main character re-create Rigg's first scene From Lethal Weapon. So that's cool. I guess what I'm saying is go see The Artist if you think suicide is a joke.

Young Adult

Alright I've decided to stop even bothering to do a plot recap in these things (unless of course there's something I want to mock). I'll just include a link to the AV club review and then write my drivel.

This film really hasn't been that well received, and I sort of get why. The mechanics are a little clunky, and the characters aren't particularly likable, but I think it might be a satire, and if so, then it might be kind of genius. Basically the film follows a borderline insane alcoholic (Charlize Theron) who leaves the big city (Minneapolis) to go back to the small town where she grew up and try to get her ex-boyfriend back. In any other film of this type she would go through some not-too damaging hijinks, before having an emotional epiphany, learning an important life lesson, and inevitably deciding to stay in the small town with all the real people. This film doesn't do this. Everyone around her treats her behavior in an appropriately disturbed manner, and just when she's about to learn the lesson and make a decision to change her life, the film pulls her back and she decides to go back the the big city and stay just as self deluded as she was before. So like I said, if this was intended as a genre send-up then its kind of interesting. However the fact that I'm not completely sure that was the intention does point to some execution problems, so maybe I have no point.

And Patton Oswalt is really good in this.